Book beating

I went to Borders today to check out Michael Moore's new book and I was again startled by the price tag. Ahemm, is there no way for new books to come out a product that doesn't exceed the $20 mark? I mean, when you have to fork over that much money, what's the incentive to not just buy a video game? Of course, there are those new books that receive discounted and sale prices, but not surprisingly Moore's book isn't on sale. Hmm...I guess I'll just have to wait until they have a store-wide discount until I'd spend money for that book...even if it looks like a good read.

I have been thinking about the zillions of writing projects that have been started, but not so completed. I guess it's been the fact that I've been working alone on my writing for so long that I really haven't solicited folks for some peer reviews...a step in the writing process that I (and many others) fear. I'm still having trouble convincing my mother that I want to become a professional writer...it just doesn't even come close to being one of those traditional, stereotypical jobs that Asian people take. The closest profession to writing that my mother is familiar would probably be news reporting and journalism...which I'm not really into at this point.

On a different note, I've discovered that there's this impression that I'm apparently an elitist. By that, I mean socioeconomic elitist...that I'm somehow squeamish when it comes to being around poor people. Hmm...first off, I don't ever consider myself to being an elitist. Moreover, if I would ever be an elitist, it would never involve a prejudice towards people from a low-income or working class background...ahemm, I live in Boston...that's a pretty good sign that I am aware of the diverse range of socioeconomic backgrounds. Maybe this is the ominous connection to that dream I had.

In a million years

I had this rather unusual dream last night. It made me feel uneasy, because I think the horrors of Ann Coulter might have subconsciously slipped in my psyche. Anyways, I ended up having this dream about being in this evening dinner party in a ballroom and I was sitting with two friends at our table. At nearby table, I spotted another friend, whom my mind identified as a pornographer. I waved and said hi to the man and then one of his friends came over to our table. He proceeded to introduce himself to my friends, even though I didn't know who he was either. As soon as I waved hello to him, the guy abruptly ended his conversation and quickly ran back to the pornographer's table.

Hmm...I don't know the symbolism in that whole incident during the dream. I distinctively remember him being black, rather stocky build, and he had a goatee. It just struck me that he didn't want to talk to me, especially since he was black. Heh, in my mind, I guess I've always considered myself a magnet for people of color...that's why it was a shock for him to have acted that way. Yes, yes, yes...this was all a dream...I know that, but I often times trust my dreams as premonitions that happen in real life. Does this mean that I get mysterious visions capable of predicting the future? Ahemm, no...I'm not psychotic (or powerful enough...yet).

Anyways, I think this might have been a reflection about my anxieties around being viewed as whitewashed. Ahemm, we've talked about this before, but I guess my mind internalizes a great deal more than I realize. Even though I'm so deeply involved in Asian and Pacific Islander politics, I think there is still a crowd who think that I'm the lap-dog of the white establishment...to which I can only say, "Are you blind or just insane?" Some might critique me as not being hardcore enough, or that I don't really know the "real life", or that I just don't want to fall into the stereotypes of your average Asian trendsters. I used to think that being political means being rebellious (or vice versa), but now I'm starting to realize that it's the establishment who want you to believe that. Your quarrels and "beefs" with society is ultimately a reaction to the powers of the majority...it's rather constraining as a thought, because it states that your identity is without originality. Hmm...quite complex..

Movers and destroyers

I've noticed that there will be no peace on the political front. As much as we would like to see the quarrels stop on the partisan sides of American society, I think some folks wouldn't give it up for the world. Ahemm...it's obvious to the disenchanted ones that rhetoric about unity is only used to placate the sappy few who believe that we can truly become a non-political civilization. Of course, these individuals are perhaps the worst hypocrites when it comes to the supposed "let's stop the divisiveness" speech. In particular, I'd like to congratulate Ann Coulter with her ability to even make Michelle Malkin look like less uber-bitch-like. At least with kooky individuals like Malkin, you know that they're only doing it for the attention. With Coulter, you can truly be guaranteed that she's in it for the title of "I'm not an foogly conservative".

Yes, she's blonde, she's a woman (hmm...I'm pretty sure this one is true), and she's loud. In all respects, she should be the new feminist leader of the modern millenium. Instead, she'd probably shoot your favorite lesbians on sight and she'd tell you that your uterus is "uter-US" and not "uter-U". I couldn't believe having seen her on C-SPAN one time at a roundtable discussion held by UMASS Amherst or Amherst College or Dartmouth (it's out in the boonies). However, I won't give her so much credit as to say she's any more superior than Malkin...well, they both are crappy to the Nth degree. However, I think Coulter's totally drawn into her own gradeur that most conservatives respect her for her ideas. In a room of conservative sexist and chauvinist pigs, I'm pretty sure they're paying attention to a bit more than just her thoughts.

Oh yeah, it's probably bad than I'm ripping her of her intellect and capabilities, but let's not forget that tokenism exists everywhere, especially when it involves a conservative machine in partisan politics. They like her, because she's not bad to look at...a feature that is undeniably the reason for her quick rise to popularity (in some circles). That's the main deal when it comes to the "modern" conservative women...they all believe that being Republican doesn't necessarily mean that they need to dress conservatively. Hmm...sounds like a wild contradiction, but I think they've finally caught onto the fact that 94% of the world think with their genitalia. Heh, the remaining 6% just don't care..

Snot-flying fun

Gee, I don't know what to say about the impunity of many Black Friday shoppers out there. In most cases, we can be somewhat understanding about people's rage and frustration over the holiday chaos that the corporations have turned this season into. However, it's quite dismaying when Thanksgiving ultimately turns into "the holiday before the biggest shopping day of the year". Of course, no one is immune to the draw of 6AM door busting deals...even I fell victim to vicious rumors of side-splitting sales. As you can probably tell from my tone, I didn't get any good stuff from this spend-fest. Oh well..

On another front..I guess there's a certain president out there hoping to claim credit for this year's holiday rush. Your extra hundred dollars or two will go a long way to spending on junk to be furbished in your home...or the home of someone else. When I told my mother about this, she gave this inexorable "ha"...a sentiment that I equally enjoyed in throwing out. Politics and Christmas...nothing too strange for anyone who has a political consciousness. I think it's ultimately up to the money-flinging drones out there to say that enough is enough. Gee, I must sound like such a Grinch...it might just be that I want a present that not even Santa Claus can deliver...although maybe a good sniper can.

Please do not tap on glass

If you haven't been quite observant in the porn world lately, you've probably haven't been whimpering in pain about the introduction of DRM technology into pornography. Actually, MP3 hoarders might have encountered this same issue, especially I-Tunes folks. In any case, the top-grossing websites will all be integrating DRM into their files...which means that free porn and music (the holy duo of Internet addiction) will eventually go the way of one-handed typing. Ahemm, I guess I should specify that as decent quality porn and music...the crap will still remain out there, so don't worry if you want to go retro with your music or porn.

Following such a change in downloading madness, I've discovered yet another reason why I think straight trade porn is cheap-looking. Beyond the whole pretense of "he's a hot, straight stud", we know that gay-for-pay isn't a term that generates web traffic nor subscription fees. However, we know (well...I know) that straight trade porn has become quite the rage since the introduction of a certain Republican president. Inflated egos on the political platforms has turned our dear ol' porn into an inflated sense of masculinity...built upon lies and deception. So, it's funny when sites, such as SeanCody and the random hookup sites,  tell you to oppose the Republicans and their anti-sex and anti-porn agendae when they perpetrate a similarly disingenuous platform of pseudo-heterosexuality.

The reason why straight trade is cheap-looking is simple: sleazy directors and cameramen can't resist touching the models. Ahemm, I'm sure ChiChi LaRue might have wanted to fondle Matthew Rush or Caesar once or twice, but you know she'd never do it in front of the camera. Unfortunately, so many of those supposed straight guys always end up getting grabbed, sucked, and fingered by these rather unethical staff people who should be staying behind the camera. Sheesh, if you're paying for (or painstakingly downloading) porn, you don't want to see some haggarted trolls trying to get lucky with the hired help. Maybe I need some adult entertainment lawyers to answer this one, but...if director is paying the models to do a scene and they end up playing with the models, then isn't that considered a direct form of prostitution (ahemm, solicitation of a prostitute, I guess)? Gee, we so need to get American sticky rice porn out there...fast!

Ahemm, secret writing...as in secret holiday galore.

Day for turkeys
No one ever realizes how much work goes into Thanksgiving dinner until someone actually has to cook. That's something I've learned about since I've become an adult.  Yes...making your own specialty dish is the sign that you've contributed something to the table. Ahemm, no...a smooth, alcoholic beverage does not count.

This year's dinner was rather relaxed, because we kept the numbers small. For some families, the large gatherings and chaos makes for a fun and memorable celebration. In my case, it's the exact opposite...crowded tables, battling over people to finish your dishes, and avoiding the ruckus of inane banter makes me feel less than enthusiastic. Even though I might secretly enjoy slaving over a hot stove to make up my favorite dishes, I don't like how it's always a competitive sport at the dinner table. None of us wants leftovers...but I won't scoop food onto your plate...ahemm, big faux pas! Gee, it's over...now there's only Christmas and Chinese New Year. Oh joy.

No thanks to a yellowless sense of justice

Meh, I thought I'd take a break from writing today, since I'll be pulling overtime in the kitchen tomorrow. However, I'd thought I'd leave you with some amusing celebrity pictures that I found online. It definitely reminded me that racism is a term that our society in the United States likes to use selectively. It's racist when we talk about black people are discriminated on the basis of their skin color; it's racist when academic institution follow affirmative action policies that white people feel hurt them. Gee, if you don't reside on either end of the skin color spectrum, then I guess you don't really count in this country. Resident muscleheads on Xanga, Dudesnude, Gay.com, Fridae, and other sites will agree with me on this point: No matter how muscular, how ripped, or how disciplined you might be...the fact that you're Asian or Pacific Islander will always have your critics telling you that your genes prevent you from being a true bodybuilding champion. Gee, Stan McQuay fans can start their rant.

Veedio gamez conspiracy

Okay, there's enough to go around when it comes to the video game industry. From so-called manufacturing shortages to impromptu price breaks, it's easy to see how sleazy the electronic gaming industry is. Of course, my latest theory has been those incessant commericals of war-based first person shooters games. Gee, it hasn't been too discreet to the manner in which our current administration could benefit from the popularity of such games.  Beyond its obvious nostalgic appeal for war and the thrill of battle, I can potentially see these games as cheap propaganda for promoting the acceptablity of war. Why feel bad about the atrocities of war when you can blow up CGI-equivalents of Viet-Congs?

On a different conspiracy, the issue of abstinence-only education came up on PBS today and it never seems to end for this administration's ideological grab-bag. In my first course that I ever took when I transferred to a public university, I presented this twenty-something paged research paper on the social feel-good policy of promoting abstinence-only education. Maybe this is one of those situations where you say that only ugly people would tell people not to have sex and you're probably not far off from the truth. I've also relished the opportunity to ask politicians if they've all waited until marriage and I am pretty sure most of the male politicians will tell you that they busted a few loads in some pre-marital holes (you choose the orifices).

This is perhaps the most understated causalities of our electoral mishap. We're stuck with four more years of kooky health sciences that reinforce ideologically-based approaches to HIV and pregnancy prevention. Just because you have a ring on your finger doesn't mean that you'll ever be immune to any of life's hardballs. As the wives of tele-evangelists can let you know personally, a husband's title as a spouse means squat when he's banging some hoochie in a motel. I guess we won't really know how right-wing fundamentalists will ever accept the weaknesses of the abstinence-only message...until they finally catch the virus themselves. Ahemm, I don't wish people ill-health, but does anyone remember the conspiracy in The Net?

Lucky infusion

I had an amusing time traveling to the city today. As usual, I sent myself to the city to perform a small errand and that meant taking the train. I passed the small coffee shop built into the train station and I thought it would be interesting if I bought myself a scratchie ticket...I told my aunt that we should have bought one last Friday during some grocery shopping. I also "owed" myself an opportunity to buy one a few weeks ago on the day I traveled to NYC to see Aaron. I even told Aaron that I had my premonition about winning money in a dream that I had. Long story short, I bought a scratchie ticket and I won...$25. It was one of the freak luck situations as the winning numbers were all the same.

Anyways, $25 richer, I could have invested some of that money into something useful, but I guess I was stuck with holding onto it in my pocket, since I still have bills to pay. Yeah, I could have stashed it in my Nintendo DS fund, but I didn't really have the inclination to go and peruse the mobbed locations where I could possibly procure a non-pre-ordered unit. Heh, I guess I'll have to win a lot more than just $25 if I want to pay for the price tag, but it can't be that bad. Of course, X-box lowered their sticker to same as DS with the inclusion of two games. I guess for late adopters such as myself, the X-box wouldn't make for a shabby, glorified DVD player.

On a different note, I'm close to my big anniversary here on Xanga. I've written over three hundred entries...great practice for me if I am to ever become a professional writer. December, of course, is the month of expensive memberships...I never bothered to get Xanga Premium, even though they harrass you everyday about it. My Fridae Perks membership is almost up too...which seems rather crappy since I don't even think I used it that often this year. If anything, I might commit my Fridae membership renewal fee to my Dudesnude supporter fee. Heh, it's sad that nothing to free anymore...well except my DV space. Sion is god! Wahoo!

Deal breakers and door busters

There's this inevitable dissolution between what folks want to do and what they end up doing when it comes to Thanksgiving. Per our arrangment, my family and I had originally agreed upon a simple, quaint Thanksgiving dinner this year. That meant we will leave the festivities at my grandmother's house and instead enjoy the company of our household at our own home. Of course, this is a boon for me, because every previous Thanksgiving dinner has been nightmarishly dominated my holiday schedule as I'm in charge of most of the cooking and serving. This year, I was suppose to bask in a merry day off from that usual drudgery by doing it at our own house..for seven people...instead of thirty.

However, my mother attempts the same trick as she does for any event that she supposedly co-counsels with me on. Like my graduation party, she also has a way of sabotaging things...she can't stand not taking an active role when it comes to cooking. I, on the other hand, can easily stand aside and let other folks cook. Sure, there's the importance of a cornucopia of abundance to splash over the dinner table, but it's not even that distinguished when my mother's new plan to order a Thanksgiving dinner from a supermarket caterer. Our original deal was that we would only do a traditional Thanksgiving dinner (e.g. me cooking) if my uncle was able to get a free turkey from work. Otherwise, we will do a Chinese hot-pot dinner.

The difference? Chinese hot-pot will be all pre-prepared. Since there's no real cooking until you actually stand in front of the pot, food preparation only means plating everything up into more pretty arrangments than usual. A traditional Thanksgiving meal cooked by me would also follow the same formula: all the side dishes will be made in advance and just kept on warm until serving time...the turkey would probably be the only thing still cooking before dinner. Gee, it would be quite disappointing, but not unexpected, if my mother backs out on me and forces me to cook a Thanksgiving dinner even if my uncle doesn't procure a turkey. There better be a Nintendo DS stuffed inside that turkey.

Phallic overture

There's been this rowdy crew of construction folks outside of our house for several weeks now. They've been repaving the road and sidewalk...a much needed assignment due to years of neglect. Of course, it basically means that the road will be in an even worse condition than normal until they put that final layer of asphalt. They're already done with the road...but the sidewalk's been a mess and they haven't even proceeded with smoothening it out. The worst thing for me is their clockwork appearance bright and early in the morning to start the project...resulting in long and loud banging noises, which I would much rather have occurring in my bedroom than out on the streets. It definitely reminded me of the time when I lived in the city where the entire building would shake due to the installation of stablizing girders.

There was one night that I could have taken my revenge on those folks when they left one of their humungous construction vehicles parked in front of our house...yes, they left it there. Of course, the pic whores out there can always find a giant, yellow truck to be a perfect accoutrement to original picture scenes...what could look better than a naked body next to a wheel that's probably bigger than you? I swear it would have been rather sweet to have guys swarm on top of that vehicle and leaving delightful puddles as presents and punishments for waking me up at 7AM.

I guess the crew's saving grace is that they're very clean people. Even though they would sit on our front yard to eat lunch and all, they manage to not leave any garbage...quite shocking considering that there's always some litter or another strewn in front of our house. Of course, you start to wonder what these men end up doing when they're on the job here...especially considering the fact that I haven't seen a porta-potty anywhere near the job site...ahemm, no, my rose bushes do not need fertilizing.

Return of the hoody

I ran into this immensely interesting, yet odd topic of foreskin restoration on Dudesnude. Yes, you might have heard about the procedure on shows like Nip/Tuck or those plastic surgery reality shows. If you actually know your own penis, then I don't think I need to tell you what's the visible difference between a circumcised and uncircumcised penis. Of course, that visual difference is one of the major reasons why some folks have sought out foreskin restoration. Ahemm, you might already be overwhelmed by the strangeness of this topic...let's just say that there's a multitude of reasons why some folks might want to get their foreskin back.

First off, there's the argument that boys are being mutilated...that they never consented to getting circumcised in the first place. Heh, I don't think the more utilitarian folks will be as persuaded by this argument, since your penis still works regardless of whether there's a foreskin covering your glans penis or not. Of course, the real motivation behind this practice has been fetishism around uncut dicks...ahemm, and I'm pretty sure us guys are the ones a bit more involved in this fetish than the ladies. Heh, you can definitely see this is the immense popularity of uncut dick-themed porn...even in the exploitative Asian porn market.

So what happens to the guys who've suffered from this so-called "mutilation"? Heh, well I guess you can join in this underground movement if you're one of the foreskin-challenged, but my readings about the process indicates that it's an incredibly slow process. Most folks won't see results until almost two years...with little incentive for folks to strap on the tools, since they don't exactly provide any physical pressure to manually stretch your penile skin into a frenulum-looking appearance. Hmm...I'm speculating if there's a need to combine the vaccuum pump to make the skin stretch larger and then using the tools to adjust it over the head of the penis. Ahemm, more R&D is needed!

Veedio gamez

Hmm...I guess November 22nd is only a few days away...a few days away from screaming droves of spoiled children lining up to pick up their Nintendo DS. I remember in high school when people would ditch school so they they can go pick up their pre-ordered Dreamcast consoles...and see where that investment has gone now. Of course, I'm confident that video games trumps school...I mean, who wouldn't be persauded to skip school for a day to go pick up one of the most hyped console releases for this year? If anything, I'd suggest the students go back to school and start bragging and showing theirs off...barring a confiscation by school administrators (ouch).

For the wiggly ones out there like me, there's no substantial reason to become an early adopter of the system. Nintendo's cashing in big time for their fourth quarter profits and I'd probably downplay some of the nay-sayers who might think that PSP will do better in the same target audience. However, it certainly doesn't encourage me to get one so quickly, because the entire frenzy over a DS Wi-Fi hub isn't going to work until patiently skeptic folks like me end up connecting to the network. At least for now, I can drool over the instruction manual and finally understand how they will manage to do a large number of the things that the DS purports to do. Christmas stuffer? Meh, I wouldn't hold my breath, especially since there's no cool titles to slip in with it. Costco...are you listening??

While there's certainly the possibility of a shortage, I'm sure Nintendo will do everything in its power to get the consoles out there. Unlike the other two giants, Nintendo's been most lucrative in the machines as opposed to the dingy cartridges. For the rather disinterested PSP-seekers out there, you can always try and grab a 24-karat GBA SP as a gaudy piece of Nintendo history...or eventually put it up for auction on e-Bay.

Eat you up, Part 2

Ughh, so I bombed on my job interview today. I originally had a good feeling about the whole process, but when I got there, it turned out to be much more than I had expected. First off, it wasn't one of those preliminary sessions...where you get interviewed one-on-one by a person from HR or directors. Instead, it involved five other people, including the executive director. Ahemm, I didn't think they would even put the executive director in this seemingly neo-second-round interview, but he was there along with the assistant director, a teacher in the program, and two young people. I wasn't nervous or anything...it just felt a bit more intimidating than I would have expected for an interview

A reason why I felt it went so poorly was the executive director's focus on experience, specifically supervisory experience, which he felt that I lacked. Okay, I have to admit that I don't have a great deal of supervisory experience when it comes to supervising adults...most of mine is with young people or at least college-aged folks. Throughout the interview, he kept revisiting the issue and asked me these incredibly vague questions. I believed that I answered them quite succinctly, but he never provided any visible indication that he liked my responses. In the latter half of the interview, I definitely got the impression that I wasn't what they were looking for...it was pretty transparent to everyone in the room.

Of course, I was a bit surprise to hear about specific details about the position...particularly the fact that I would be supervising three full time and one part time staff persons. I remember that was part of the job description, but I didn't think it would be such a prominent responsibility. It definitely would have been helpful to know that, because I would have then focused a bit more on my problem-solving skills, as opposed to my program development and direct service skills. I focused a great deal on my ability to work with youth, but the executive director made it clear that the position will more likely than not be oriented around supervision and administrative duties of running their youth program. Gee, I guess I can't be optimistic about my chances if I know that I'm not qualified for the job. Oh well..

Freaky excited

I guess I'm reverting to my old condition of vampiric insomnia. Actually, no...I did fall asleep pretty quickly after I plopped into bed, but it was the waking-up part that got me. I just feel so much more comforted by the bright sunlight glaring through. I think that business lunch yesterday really messed up my bio-clock...not to mention my digestion. Ahemm...I don't like the taste or texture of real shrimp, not to mention the fact that shrimp and lobster also makes my lips itchy. So, the worst thing was how the diplomat kept putting shrimp-laden dim sum dishes onto my plate as I look helplessly at my mother. Contrary to Aaron's yelp for me to just step out, I do revel in the conversation aspects of these inane sessions...it's the food part that makes me queasy.

On an unrelated note, I've been thinking about the whole craze for bulking up and I was reminded by a friend this weekend that I was getting pudgy. Yes, you heard me...someone told me that I was getting blubber in my belly. Ahemm, last time I photographed myself, I happened to have some pretty rock solid abs...which apparently disappears when I eat food. I guess I've been neglecting my health lately, especially since I've stopped eating cereal and nuts. Heh, in case you were wondering, I'll end it off by telling you my best weight-gainers that's friendly to your colon:

1. Corn flakes with strawberries or banana slices with 2% reduced fat milk.

2. 1/2 cup (shelled) pistachio nuts.

3. Grilled cheese sandwiches made with real pasteurized cheese (no "cheese food" or "product").

4. Ben & Jerry's ice cream (usually non-chocolate varieties).

5. Grilled rib-eye steaks marinated in a brown sugar-soy ginger sauce and 2 corn on the cob.

6. Home-grilled double cheeseburger with side dish of 1 cup of corn.

Royal lunch

If an excursion with Aaron wasn't enough to satisfy my culinary palette, I happened to join my parents for a dim sum lunch with a Taiwanese dignitary. Of course, it wasn't planned that I attend, since they woke me up and told me that they were about to head into the city and I was still frazzled. In any case, we made it out there to meet this new representative from the Taiwanese government, whom my father is suppose to befriend based on his business interests. One thing my father neglected to tell me was this tiny difference between the previous and new representatives: the new one only spoke Mandarin...no Cantonese. Hmm...so my mother and I were reduced to trophy family members who would sit at the table and smile gingerly as my father bellowed to the representative.

In a very unsubtle manner, my father would intermittently inject me in the conversation by talking about some of the work that I'm done...none of which was understood by me since I didn't speak Mandarin. My mother later told me that my father was way too blunt about my job-hunting progress and didn't exactly attribute much confidence on my independent search. Luckily, I was able to smooth-talk my way out of the hole that my father had placed me in by talking about cultural and social differences between Asians in Asia and Asian Americans. Of course, I also had to tell him about my political views about the state of Chinatown and its lack of representation during dealings with the business community. He was entirely awed by my work and I was shocked that he's never even heard of the word, "activism". No, I'm not kidding, he's literally not familiar with that word.

As always, I never embarrass my father during these business lunches. Heh, I know his livelihood and larger-than-life persona demands that I flex my intellectual muscle when consorting with foreign diplomats. Of course, I was not intimidated in the least by his diplomatic status. Actually, I thought he was hitting on me, because he went out of his way to tell me that I "was very handsome" and that it was "weird that I didn't have a girlfriend". Gee, either he's trying to ask me out on a date or he's hoping that I enlighten him. Unfortunately, I didn't want to out myself, because I didn't want it to affect my father's relationship with this representative...but I wouldn't hesitate to do so if it was simply a meeting between him and myself. Of course, my father basically whored me out to the man and offered my linguistic and cultural knowledge as a valuable resource. Oh yeah, yes, he did look like one of those bi-curious guys who probably never even done anything beyond the missionary position...with his wife. Wife...ahemm...yeah, sure..

Freaky newbies

Heh, you've already acquianted with Ryan's libido and romps on Dudesnude. Of course, you've mainly heard my stories about racism on the site, but I guess it's usually the inane stupidity of some Dudesnude member that generates stories. Besides, a picture is worth a thousand words, but I can't really post those pictures on this site without getting some awful reprisal from the morality police. Anyways, I had to tell you about a recent dealings with an Asian person who contacted me on the site that has both enraged and confused me. Since we're assumed to be self-loathing Asians and Pacific Islanders until proven otherwise, we all message each other with skeptism on Dudesnude...in most cases, they don't respond since you don't have the right skin color.

With this particular person, he happened to be a Taiwanese Manhattanite in his mid 30's. By his pictures, I could tell that he wasn't too photogenic and was most likely extremely closeted. When he did happen to message me, he wrote the most vague blurb or another...nothing substantial, just a message to gauge whether or not I'm sticky. I wrote back and ended up with email tag and every step of the way, he kept testing me to see if I like Asians. Gee, how pretentious is that? Eventually, it reached a point where he thought that I was lying about my racial preferences (ahemm, I said I had none, gee, why can't people believe that?). Without any apology, he decided that it was okay to chat with me, but in no more than two days, he reverted to his "you're-a-liar" accusations. Of course, I chock it up to his basic insecurity to even communicate with another Asian person, which I believed to greatly contribute to his distrust and skeptism when talk to other Asians and Pacific Islanders.

Perhaps the most enlightening piece of information I learned from him that revealed a great deal about his inadequacies for emotional stability involved his total fear of sex. Heh, you already know that I'm pretty open to many different forms of sexual expression. This meek thirtysomething ended up telling me that he's only in mutual masturbation; he doesn't like anal or oral sex of any sort when it comes to guys. He did happen to tell that he's fucked a guy, but he said, "I only did because he wanted me to." Sheesh, he makes it sound like a big chore or hardship on his penis. In any case, we stopped talking and I think I'm quite glad I don't have to deal with his insanely distrustful nature. I think his only way of verifying that I like Asians is by having sex...unfortunately it's only me giving him a handjob...heh, I'm not a some pre-pubescent child trying to do it with a daddy...handjobs are so passe. Downe-grade!

Mobile masterpiece

I spent the day with Aaron today and he did the delightful deed of bringing me to have dim sum. Hooray! Of course, it seemed slightly anti-climatic, since the dim sum restaurants in Manhattan aren't close to the sizes of ours in Boston. Heh, I guess we can't serve thousands of little, delectable dishes and afford a multi-million dollar real estate property. Ahemm, yes, this is in Chinatown...don't we all have to have property in Chinatown. Anyways, the dim sum gourmet seemed to not have a diverse range of different treats...they relied more on variations upon a specific dish, particularly in the types of meats and stuffing in they put in it. However, let's not forget that I got to dine with Aaron's exquisite Cantonese-speaking entourage...Kasie must be so jealous that I got to twirl out my Cantonese euphemisms.

On the job front, I happened to receive a callback from a local Chinatown organization for a program manager position. Meh, it's not exactly the type of organization that I wanted to work for, but it involves youth from Chinatown...which is probably as close to what would ideally be a great job to put on my resume. Of course, I was rather flattered when the HR person told me that my interview will be conducted with the staff and some of the organization's youth participants. Heh, I'd treat this as a second-round interview, because they normally wouldn't even bother with getting the young people assembled for this type of business if they didn't think I'd be more than qualified. Unfortunately, this type of setup is tricky...you need to look and act professional, but you also can't be so stuffy as to alienate the youth. Hmm...

DS mania

Yeah, I thought I'd switch gears today and talk about the imminent release of the Nintendo DS. Even though I'm sure I won't get one until next year, there's already a big hub-bub about the shortage of units for the Christmas shopping madness. Meh, I don't think folks should be overly excited to get the console unit so soon, especially since the good titles aren't even out until next year. There's a demo version of a new Metroid game being included...other than that, your DS will just be another glorified GBA player. Heh, I guess that would be too bad if you're going to act like a real life 12yo and start sending F-bombs to other DS users via their PictoChat software.

On a more lighthearted note, Engadget featured the evil VHS tape from Ringu (a.k.a. the Ring). Of course, that's my favorite movie since it's incredibly smart...and we all love gangly, rotting little girls that can crawl out of television screens. Engadget suggested that there should eerie version of the curse on old GBA cartridges. Ooh, yeah...I can just imagine that creepy girl jumping out of my tiny SP screen. Of course, you can be feel elated that the girl will finally bask in the joys of Technicolor.

Survival of the nudist

You must have been starving for some good reading about sex. Gee, I guess I'll talk about a pertinent, yet sobering topic that we actually all face...before jumping into the shower, bed, or a Rio beach. Yes, we're talking about nudity...the bare-bottom and dongle-wagging truth exposed for everyone to see. I think we're all socially conditioned to feel bad about our bodies...heh, nudity makes us nervous, terrified, and squeamish. Of course, we know that clothing and the shaming of nudity is a Westernized concept brought over by colonial societies to control indigenous cultures of Asia and the Pacific Island. So, how do we reprogram our minds?

1.) Don't soil yourself: Okay, one of the virtues of overcoming nudity actually has nothing to do with being completely naked. Heh, I think most of us just need to get used to ourselves in our tighty whities...I think Jamie Lee Curtis showed us best in that infamous magazine cover that we're practically naked when we're in our undies...so why not start reprogramming your body image at that stage? Of course, I think we can all feel more sexy and confident by putting on some luxury pair of undies...or some lycra sheerness...or even the oh-so scandalous thongs. Heh, it's all about feeling confident with the minimal pieces of clothing on. Next!

2.) Think sexy thoughts: Sometimes, nudity makes us feel self-conscious...that eerie feeling that onlookers are staring directly at our penises. Ahemm, I think that probably would be the case...since that's the part folks will be gasping about. While we might be scared of sprouting a boner, I'm sure it's more common for folks to experience performance anxiety...well, for folks who didn't pop the blue pill yet. Okay, there's nothing wrong with doing a little bit of fantasizing in your head...even when you're lying directly next to your bedmate. Of course, make sure that you don't end up screaming the wrong name when you finally get your groove on.

3.) Clever cover: Hmm...if you can't avoid sprouting or deflating, then I guess the trick for the fretful few would be a good codpiece. Well, if you're in a terribly naked environment, it might be a faux pas to suddenly try and cover up. However, there's alway some stylish, yet coy ways to temporarily shield your crotch if you're not feeling your best. Yes, there's the quick hand cupping, the sock, and the tuck, but then there's also the more hot move of intimately snuggling with someone, thus sandwiching it with the package of your bedmate...of course, that might lead to more erections, but isn't that the point?

4.) Red hot poker: Well, there was the problem of shrinkage...but what if the problem is swelling? This might be a gay man's biggest worry in a gay nudist colony...strutting around flaccid probably isn't going to happen much (of course, it might if you're turned off by men who actually are at nudist colonies, ahemm..). Hmm...do we follow Homer and Austin Power's lead and think unsexy thoughts? I guess you're kinda stuck with your boner unless you get that sudden jolt of fear, which can deflate your hard-on. Of course, the absolute worst way to lose your erection is through laughter...ahemm, let's hope it's not at your expense.

5.) Lower gardening: I've always been asked by folks about the appropriateness of trimming the hedges. There's no rule that says you need to manicure your pubic hair, but I guess there also no rule that says we need folks to shave any other type of body hair either. If you're like most Asians and Pacific Islanders(actually anyone, really), shaving it all off will undoubtedly cause skin break-outs and that awful itch. Of course, some folks are willing to bear the pain to get their best impersonation of a pre-pubescent teen...ahemm...that's not too savory, is it? In case you were wondering, yes, a shaved crotch does make your penis look bigger...but we all know that's just an optical illusion. Oops!

Paint by body parts

Ryan's recent introduction to the Dudesnude brought up the topic of race and nudity. Heh, of course, it's not exactly Ryan who made me think of nudity, but the fact that hapa folks probably have this weird situation in how they want to identify themselves. Okay, I'm not hapa, so I might be speaking out of terms here. However, you always have that kooky categories to pick when you fill out your profile. In most cases, hapa folks will pick, "Mixed" or "Mixed Race". Hmm...nope...I have yet to see "Hapa" on those drop-down lists, but I guess you'd have to build your own Asian or Pacific Islander-oriented website for that...ahemm, no, Downelink doesn't count.

Aside from Ryan, I have to say that I've observed many Dudesnude folks of Asian and Pacific Islander descent pick "Mixed Race" when, by all accounts, they "look" Asian. Gee, maybe it's my bad stereotypes, but I guess our impression of hapa probably connotes that they in some way look different. So, it's always been troubling for me to discern whether a person of multiple Asian and Pacific Islander heritages, such as Chinese, Vietnamese, and Japanese, can be considered hapa. On the other hand, I've been used to applying hapa to folks who are Asian or Pacific Islander and some other non-Asian or non-Pacific Islander heritage.

If we had hapa folks on Dudesnude, the experiment would then be whether or not they should indicate in any way that they're Asian or Pacific Islander. Heh, I won't lie to you and say that I don't already have a bias that these hapa folks will definitely attract the rice queens. However, they might also make it past the race-threshold...as I've often seen profiles that state, "I don't like Asians or blacks, but mixed guys are extremely hot." In that case, it really isn't that a hot guy is the the sum of his parts. Hey, I'll give folks on Dudesnude the benefit of a doubt that the setting is much better than your other mainstream gay websites. (Un)fortunately, it's good to always just wonder how much folks care about your race...as odd as that might sound.

Blank eyes

I discovered that I stare into the ceiling when my eyes are closed. I've been sleeping very well since last week, but I've also been waking up much earlier than I'm used to...with the ominously ticklish feeling on my spine. When I get that feeling, it only makes me want to get out of bed. Of course, my father has given me some encouragement each morning with his extremely insane talking voice...Chinese volume, ahemm.. Anyways, I can at least enjoy the clamor in the morning instead of that stuff going on late at night when he battles with someone on a phone conversation...now that's something to be afraid of.

On the road to becoming a better writer, I think I've come to the conclusion that writing is best done in motion. By that, I mean that I've always felt more invigorated to write when I'm in a moving vehicle...be it the train, a car, a bus, or even an airplane. However, I must admit that my handwriting has yet to match my typing...it takes much longer to write by hand than by punching keystrokes. This is something that many contemporary writers have commented on...writing is now so dispensible as an art that people can do it anywhere. Of course, I don't think folks from a decade ago could imagine that we can now even blog wirelessly from our laptop on a train bound for Lisbonne.

I think I'm still going through a period of mental diarrhea. I'm troubled by the level of uncertainty that exists for the future. Of course, it doesn't scare me, because I often enjoy the thrill of doing something new. However, it's starting to become tedious to experience this tunnel-effect of anticipation. I wish that there was a way for me to balance my catharsis with forward-bearing progress. Hmm...does catharsis involve you to stand still and let your stress bleed out or can you purify yourself while striding ahead? Hmm...quite philosophical...it makes me want to speak in French.

Double check for insanity

I felt lost today. I don't know why, but there was an unusual feeling of directionlessness. Perhaps I've reach the point where reflective writing has become less a reflection of what I'm experiencing and more of a display of everyday drudgery. Gee, I think that's a tone of pessimism, but you know that not like me at all. One of the consequence of our electoral mayhem has been my inability to sleep soundly in the morning. Heh, I think George Bush has reversed my vampiric insomnia. Now if he could only cure my lack of employment...oh wait, I think he's the cause of it.

In other news, I discovered a hilariously zany show on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim called Super Milk-Chan. Even though the cartoon itself made absolutely no sense to the average American viewer, there were a lot of kooky details that folks can easily overlook, such as the flamboyantly gay landlord, Lalo. Other than that, you heard Milk-Chan very openly berate her robot assistant and it sounds very South Park-like when she's being so deceivingly cute and cuddly.  Of course, the real thing that gets folks amp-ed up is the retro-techno theme song called, "Disco Milk". Heh, I guess I'll be searching for the MP3 version of that song as soon as it pops up on the Internet.

Since my father's return, our household has been wondering how long it'll take before he gets antsy and is ready to return to his wanderer-lifestyle. As I said yesterday, this is where my father and I are similar...we both live for the thrill of traveling. If I could be an explorer or even an flight attendant, I'd probably be able to satisfy my wanderlust. Better yet, maybe I should become a travel writer.

Pleasing explanation

You might be wondering why I haven't said much about the electoral results...even though you already know I'm disappointed about the outcome. Well, I guess I've reacting like my father to the whole ordeal. Heh, he voted Republican, but our explanation of how it came to this point is shockingly similar. Despite my slight detest for my father's career, I'm always quite scared of the fact that we're both quite alike. I identify with my father's ability to think intellectually and intelligibly...not so quick to be stirred by passions, which is the complete opposite from my mother. We're quite insane of a family, because we want to have a peaceful dialogue, because we very easily regress to our Chinese-talking volume (in other words, screaming volume).

During tonight's outing for a family friend's mother's 71st birthday (pheww, that's a lot of apostrophes), I discovered that my father behaves exactly like me when I'm out at a conference. He goes to schmooze with the big wigs...you got to network. My father has the dubious reputation of being one of Chinatown's influential political figure...something that I've yet to achieve, even with my recent involvement in Chinatown politics. When he came back to our table, I jokingly chastised him about the fact that he didn't bother to introduce me to the Chinatown bosses. Of course, my father has always revelled in my ability to indulge in those stuffy old men's egos and make small talk about things that I have neither any interest or expertise in.

I always wonder why I turned out so "normal". My father is an eccentric world traveling warmonger and my mother is an emotionally-loud shut-in. Gee, I guess I do embody some from both columns. I guess I should be grateful that they never had an expectation for children to grow up heterosexual...otherwise I'd really be "screwed up". Hmm...I remember in high school about how much I hate my parents because they were so mainstream, but I guess now I'm feeling nostalgic about that mainstream aspect. Oh, I'm crazy.

Fried green brains

I really have nothing to say today. Just enjoy my newly updated DV site.

Also, I think I need to steal Aaron's harem of sexy boys.

Gay yard sale

In lieu of my proposed move to San Francisco, I've actually went through all my stuff and saw what I could sell off to put into my moving-away fund. Of course, the overwhelmingly obvious items would be my giant porn stash. I guess I went overboard a year ago with buying porn...even though I didn't have a job. If I were to move to the Bay Area, it'd be quite awful to have to add all those videos to a moving truck or whatever for a cross-country move. In any case, I've decided to probably just leave most of my stuff here, since a moving company will probably charge over $1,000 to get it to the other side of the country.

Oddly enough, I've had more success in job hunting in San Francisco than here...my buddies at the local agencies can help me pull strings. Heh, it's funny that I actually got a confirmation about my application, which is a far cry better than the treatment that I've received here. Another odd thing is how my mother is rather non-chalant and bordering on excited about a possible out to the left coast. I guess she's secretly wanting to get rid of me so that she can go on another tour for a few months (I guess she's thinking that I could serve as a layover spot whenever she has to fly across the Pacific Ocean).

Anyways, I guess I'll offer you loyal Xangans with an exclusive grab at my porn stash. We'll do it Price-Is-Right style and let you come up with some zany way of naming a price. Although you'll revel in seeing what's in my collection, I'd think that it's better if you just contact me personally about it...we wouldn't want strangers to think I'm corrupting the youth of Xanga. Of course, they say you can learn a lot from what's in a guy's porn collection...heh, actually I say that. Gee, you're probably wondering that I must have other stuff to put up in a yard sale, but I guess I feel that porn is a great commodity that recyclable...heh..

Top five pieces of advice for recovering your activist soul

I think you've been thoroughly toasted by the recent stresses of the new political reality. Some folks have dealt with it by expressing their anger and frustration; others have withdrawn from the community. Honestly, I've seen some pretty impressive writing by some folks...it takes something very serious and personal to happen to us before we can truly call on our Muse(s). While there are actions to be taken that recover our souls  through dissention and public outcry, I have to say that there are a myriad of other methods that we can try in order to recover that part of ourselves lost during one of the biggest losses for a partisan team in recent history.

5.) Rock your body: Some might say that improving your body often comes after improving your soul. However, let's flip this idea around...our souls are injured...so why not try and heal them by working on our body? It's good to just have some fun working out or playing sports...anything to help cast off that frustration. Heh, it might not be a bad idea to become a muscle mary by the end of the four years...it's about time we do some of our own voter intimidation (squeeze my muscles if you like Democrats).

4.) Overcoming "poor me": It's natural to feel victimized by a system that has seemingly betrayed your idealism. However, it's also natural to eventually move away from this mentality in order to start the healing process. My suggestion would be finding opportunities and places where you don't feel as helpless or powerless...namely through volunteerism. By helping others with whatever challenges they're struggling with, it'll hopefully provide you with a perspective that you're not as down-trodden as the neo-conservatives would like you to think.

3.) Anemic for academics: For practical reasons, some folks might want to consider going back to school in the face of the continued bad economy (no, the stock market doesn't count as an accurate indicator of prosperity). Individuals who've been out of school for a while might consider a return to the classroom to help gain some new ideas about how to approach our new era in political ideology. You could take a course on the Census and finally understand how Midwestern America is like. Oh yeah, forget about financial aid...but then again, going to state universities are now the best deal out there.

2.) Turkeys are for eating: I'm sure family togetherness will be much more important this year for folks. A good way to re-establish your center is through food...heh, it's an Asian and Pacific Islander necessity. When you can start feeling joy from the simple (or not-so-simple) art of cooking, then you can reaffirm the bonding powers of good food. Since November is for turkeys, try making your own specialty dish for Thankgiving...it might be therapeutic to just get your hands in something gooey.

1.) Big boat orgy: Heh, if you remember Aaron's inquiry about gay cruises, then you might now think that it's not so bad that all the gay people should all leave the mainland bound for some isolated tropical island. While we're not looking to permanently migrate to Gay-hiti, I think it's definitely be good to rejuvenate your soul by surrounding yourself with people you like and unfamiliar territory. Okay, it doesn't have to be on a wobbly boat...camping out in the forest, those kooky retreats, or even a weekend at a bed and breakfast inn. Hmm...clothing's optional..

Top five things to cure electoral blues

I thought I'd cheer you up with an inspirational song by none other than Kermit the Frog. We're all disappointed, but I'm sure that's an understatement for the hopeful many, who were expecting a regime change in this country. Even though any words of encouragement might sound hollow at this point, I can only say that you should be proud of your contribution to this race. If you voted, then be happy that you've shown the elected leaders that you are an important element in the process of determining the leadership in our government. If you didn't vote, you can bless yourself with your apathy (or laziness). If your candidate lost, then take it as a challenge for the next four years to be a constant thorn in the side of the conservative right. If your candidate won, rejoice in the persistence of the status quo. In any case, here's a few ways for you to cope with this momentous piece of news for the month of November:

5.) Go away: No, it's not the message that you're saying to our dear ol' President. The easiest way to escape the numbing reality of the electoral results is taking a quick weekend trip to somewhere far away from home. Heh, I'd suggest that you avoid the eleven states that have anti-gay marriage amendments...you wouldn't want to meet the man of your life there and end up not getting to have a shotgun wedding.

4.) Poor me, pour me another: Even though we'd call it self-medicating, I'd suggest for folks to rally up a posse to head down to the local bar and drink some of your frustration away. Right now, we can't laugh or even smile...a good martini might help us loosen our lips and finally try and laugh at the hilarity and stupidity of the average voter. Trust me...if you can't talk about it when you're drunk, then let's get some catharsis by peeing it all out. Smart folks will have a picture of Bush & Cheney ready on the alley pavement.

3.) Write a letter: Yes, politicians actually read your letters. If you can bear to write a correspondence to your favorite or not-so-favorite politician, then I'd encourage you to. As for myself, I'll be writing a thank-you letter to John Kerry...even if he lost. If you're feeling miserable, can you imagine how bad the biggest loser is feeling right now? If you're not up for sending your condolescences to Kerry, write a spunky letter to his dear wife...she might give you a four-letter word write-back if you're not well-mannered. Hurrah!

2.) Make babies: I got the feelings that people are going to stop having sex as a result of their dismay. Have you ever thought that it's a conspiracy of the neo-conservatives? They want to disappoint you so much that you won't have the will or motivation to do the deed. If they want to regulate our lives to death (ahemm, and they said that they're Republican??), then let's do some civil disobedience by making some sweet, sweet love. Heh, what possible thing could be better this one?

1.) Vote again: Wha?? The cynics out there are already done with voting for the rest of their lives...especially in the face of another seemingly horrendous outcome of our political machinations. However, the President of the United States does not determine every move of the government. Don't forget that we also have the legislature...which ultimately determines the policies and laws of our national government. Even though the grim news is that both houses are currently dominated by Republicans, folks will have another opportunity to elect new leaders in in 2006...which means that we could take back the legislature! Ready to join in the long haul?

Hmm...what the...?

In case you're blind as a bat..or blinded by James Carville's ugly mug..

Hmm..I'm sure this guy must be so oblivious to the fact that he's not white.

Five reasons why you should vote today

Okay, you've been bombarded by stuff on the airwaves for the past year about which candidate you should pick. If anything, your brain has been reduced to mush by all the crappy television advertisements about Bush and Kerry. Even if you're a Nader supporter, you got to say that there's no way that you can be apathetic about voting this year. If you haven't gone out to your local ward or precinct to vote yet, here are some last minute reasons why you should haul your ass over to the ballot box..

5.) Marketing congruity: If you watched the Republican National Convention being broadcast during the summer, then you'll remember that we were way over-represented among the camera spotlights. Gee, you thought that there were no Asian or Pacific Islander who'd be willing to be associated with being Republican. Anyways, let's stop being a tool for political parties to use as instruments of inclusiveness...if they truly wanted us to be represented and heard (well, seen), you better cast your vote to the candidate that'd you truly want to be seen with in real life.

4.)  Cough cough cough: Although your occasional bouts of invincibility can be helpful on dates, the aging process will quickly remind you that getting sick is no fun for you or the people around you. While good healthcare provision hasn't been developed for over a decade, it's pertinent to pick leaders who are willing to recognize that your health is important. That includes the ordinary visit to a doctor, getting a flu shot, or even a test for HIV. Yeah, those things costs money and health insurance covers it, but shouldn't those things be a right to any citizen living in this country?

3.) Opportunistic employers: Bleh, I'm still looking for a job. However, I know there are at least a million other folks in this country who are doing the same things. The shortage of jobs is undeniable and the recovery of new jobs should only be laughed at. No, it's not that those jobs aren't exactly the most desirable...it's because they've returned to the economy with a distinctly lower pay than before the depression. Voting is important to determine which leader will create policies that put the worker first and corporations second. Heh, please keep your cynicism to a minimum!

2.) Your bedroom, your business: Amidst a conversation with Phillip, we ended up talking about the constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage. I can't say whether or not folks should pick a candidate that follows your beliefs (ahemm, but you should know by now anyways), but you should pick one that will decide whether gay marriage should be a state or federal issue. As I told Phillip, it's inevitable that it'll reach the Supreme Court, but you should decide by voting whether or not your local leaders or the President shall dictate whether you can finally consummate your relationships.

1.) Passion of the mice: Yeah, you freaky people between the ages of 18 and 32...you're not the target of political messages, because you don't vote. Snotty politicians revel in ignoring the apathetic and nihilist folks, because it ends up saving money for them on advertising. Well, this election has been important and different in recent years, because that age bracket might have an influential hold on the electoral results. Anyways, if you're still reading this last point...what are you waiting for?? Get your butt to the polls!