Principals only

I'm startling to feel my seasonal affective disorder (SAD, an appropriate acronym) resurfacing again. I don't know if it's a physiological or psychological reason that's causing me to suffer from these rather unusual symptoms of this winter-oriented condition. I thought that my identification and acceptance of SAD would help me get through the ordeal, but I guess it's somehow become a problem for me again. For the most part, the reverse vampirism has returned and I can't get a decent rest until after the sun has come up. The other key symptom is the incessant craving for carbohydrates late at night. No, I'm not filling up on tons of sugar or junk food. Believe it or not, it's been mostly health food...but the nibbling kind that squirrels love.

So, I can only wait until I start ballooning again. I was able to drop those extra pounds...or at least redistribute to back to my leg muscles. I used to think that my abs were my best feature, but SAD has really robbed me of that asset. Heh, yeah, it's pretty vain, but I guess everyone has to have something that they like about their own body, right? In all honesty, I probably don't mind gaining a pound or ten, because I can easily turn that stuff into good body mass...as long as I stay active. Of course, that would be the potential benefit of me working in Manhattan...I'd be guaranteed a lot of walking and exercise.

Along the same topic of the eternal job hunt, my mother has finished her preparation for her three month world tour. Yes, she already went on one of those during the summer, but she's fed up her stagnant lifestyle here. If I could, I'd probably follow her and travel the world too. However, we all need to be responsible during the prime of our lives, right? Anyways, she happened to be mention her confidence in my ability to manage a budget, which was evidenced by my 80% drop in credit card expenditures since April. She finally trusts me in my ability to manage money...which is something that most children never get to hear from their parents. As a result, she's handed me a bucket full of money for me to plan my move to Manhattan in case I ever get a job out there. Isn't it nice when your parents spoil you rotten and provide everything to you on a silver platter? If the American government can only operate like that..

On a big metal plane

I was rummaging through the Dudesnude forums again and I saw a thread that I had responded to concerning the gay playboy, Chris Geary. For those who don't know this web celebrity, he's your basic circuit boy (ahemm, man) who goes to all these different parties and snap pictures. The interesting thing about Chris Geary (for me, anyways) is his boyfriend...who is Asian. Comments by Dudesnude members range from nice to mean, but I left a rather lukewarm comment about the fact that he's a big ol' rice queen. It's funny how pictures and videos from his earlier years didn't focus on Asians or Pacific Islanders very frequently...which changed after his boyfriend became more of a fixture in his pictures.

Don't worry, David...I'm not talking about Chris Geary as a way to rip apart rice queens. However, I was pondering about the lifestyle of being a gay playboy...where you basically become a party promoter, photographer, and pseudo-startlet multi-tasker. I guess for folks, such as Chris Geary, the requirement of a big buff body is necessary to "motivate" guys to be in your pictures. Of course, the strength of his website has been the massive number of pictures posted for each event. For the vicarious folks out there, it's quantity, not quality that makes people come back more and more to see "other people" having fun.

So, what would I look like if I were to become someone like that? Hmm...I have to confess that I do have a penchant for partying in a club atmosphere; I also used to be an avid photographer who took pictures of people other than myself; I'm also a great event promoter...which I guess I can attribute to my work and personal hobbies. Heh, no...I don't think I'll become the next Chris Geary to snap pictures of Asian guys who are willing to whore out their images just to be posted onto a website. If anything, I'd probably make it so that event pictures go straight to a website as syndicated content, similar to how Fridae has their Fridae Fotos section for their affiliated parties.Oh gee, life of an aging circuit boy...I think this is why we have drama.

Bathed in something

Tony was knocking on woody about the possibility of some better Asian porn. Even though there's no chance of it happening in the next two or three years, I'm sure there'll be some eager beaver willing to foot out the initial investment and effort to create that brand of sticky rice Asian porn that we're all itching to wank off to. However, there's always the probability that there's a producer in the scene, who's willing to create sticky rice porn as an even more lucrative way of "sucking" money from the big ol' rice queens out there. Meh, there's always that ominous sense of exploitation that's hard to get around...this is why feminist perspectives about porn would never let this stuff to be "socially responsible."

Along the same lines, there's been a rumor (well...more like bragging) about the existence of a supposed "super hung" Asian guy out here in Boston. It's been gossip so far, so there's no real "proof" to serve as a confirmation. As always, some of these guys are big talkers, but not really into showing off. Hmm...so I always take these rumors with rather great skepticism.Like any good reporter, you got to confirm your sources, right? Anyways, I swear that most guys enjoy inflating their penis sizes as much as it inflates their egos...and that extends to guys of all races. Even on Dudesnude, I swear that those "Extra Large" folks need to get a better grasp on the measuring.

I think I've told Phillip before that I prefer guys who think that they're smaller then they actually are. Measuring your penis should never be about estimation. Ahemm...measurements mean that there's a solid and set system where all the sizes are standardized. However, some prefer the mystery and like to guess-imate their sizes. Let me tell you...it's much better to under-estimate than it is to over-estimate. When you actually seeing the dong, you get that pleasant surprise that it's much bigger that was imagined or declared...as opposing to an erection-robbing sense of disappointment when your potential bedmate suddenly lost two or three inches during his trip back to reality. In any case, don't just throw out a number...you're better off snapping a picture; that's how we avoid rumors such as the one I mentioned earlier. Ack!

Porno Revolution, Part 2

When John asked me that philosophically scintillating question about the need to be visually and crotch-ly stimulated, I guess it just fell right in line with my evening's activities. Hmm...I think my knowledge about porn can be scary sometimes, particularly if you've seen all the junk that's out there on the Internet. Among all the big sites, Asian porn probably only makes up less than 2% of all the data (video, images, and erotic stories) out there. In most cases, pictures are the most common media of Asian fetishism, although most of them run off of the same recycled and syndicated materials. What does that mean? You end up seeing the same ten Asian American guys...most from circa 1996.

Video streaming sites have been making a bit of progress. I happen to catch a password to one of those partner porn streaming conglomerates and they were showing some contemporary Asian porn...most of which are interracial. Heh, so there's no more vicarious wondering on the part of some rice queens as opposed to their hetero-centric lesbian-philic counterparts (umm, straight men). Of course, the funny thing is that it appeared to be from the same series of Asian-white interracial porn, because the white guy was in five different scenes with a different Asian guy every time. The funny thing is that each scene begins with him meekly giggling and saying, "Uhh, this is my first time with an Asian guy and I just wanted to try it out." Gee, isn't the porn star life grand if you get to play out your fantasies?

I guess the last piece about good riddance to bad pornography would be overzealous directors. In 2005, I would like to see directors step back behind the camera and stop participating in the scenes and takes. We should establish a porn fourth wall and it's the producers who should stop breaking it. Moreover, my biggest pet peeve about porn is talking and conversation. Sure, it's great if you like the interview-style of personalizing the starlet that you're wanking off to. However, most directors overstep their bounds and end up cackling like vicious queens with an obnoxious snort. Then again, it could be worse...you could have a Bait Bus-style soundtrack, where it's a bitchy Latina lady trying to "set up" unsuspecting "straight guys" for gay sex.

Ding dong

I ended up posting pictures of my new Nintendo DS on my Dynamiqvision site. Heh, if you haven't heard enough of my rantings about this superior portable gaming device, then you can see my tacky pictures of my console. I don't have any games other than the included Metroid Prime: Hunters demo cartridge. I'm saving my dollars for the Animal Crossing DS game that'll be coming out later in the year. As of now, it'll serve as my spoiled version of a GBA...perfect for making all the little kids jealous when I whipped it out on the train. If anything, I'd like to try Picto-Chat out in the city and see who I can detect through that highly-discussed Wi-Fi capability.

On a different note, I've noticed recently...actually for the past few months, is my total lack of alcohol consumption. Granted, I haven't been in a party atmosphere for a while...despite a few beers for posterity. I'm just reminded by my trip to Atlanta back in February when I went out to a bar with colleagues and how I got pretty smashed after having six or seven hard drinks. Heh, who knew martinis could be so much better when drank in different flavors and varities? Of course, I never drink like that when I am home...alcohol is much more linked to a social and party setting. In any case, that drunken escapade in Atlanta ended up with me telling a muscular black stripper that he was very good at vogueing (ahemm, not stripping...gee, go figure). Lush!

Joy to the whirl

Heh, I opened my presents and I can say that I've pretty satisfied with my loot. Overall, this Christmas seemed to go by extremely quickly this year, and more so than previous years. Ironically, the elements of presents seem to be far from my mind, especially considering the impending job interview results that should come in the year. However, it's interesting how the Christmas shopping craze hasn't really been of great significance this year...which is bad for the economy. Of course, the last minute shoppers were visibly rushing to complete their lists...it was fun to see Latina mothers dragging five giant bags of on-sale shoes from DSW onto the train.

Celebration-wise, we got sucked into a family event that we didn't really intend to go to. Of course, family members always have their way of guilt-tripping you into participating, even if you feel like it's beyond your holly-jolly capacity. Luckily, I made it through with a few to no scratches to my psyche at this family function, but I'd take those snooty business lunches any day. Holiday dinners are begrudgingly chaotic...something that's often times amplified several folds when you're an Asian family. For example, an order was put in for me to make my rotini pasta salad dish...on Christmas day. I don't mind cooking, even if it's slaving on the stove for several hours...provided that adequate notice has been given.

Apparently, the best gift card came from my grandmother...for H&M. Heh, I love cheap ass clothing.

Merry endearment

I happen to see this rather endearing sight today. Even though some folks might think I'm the biggest hater of white people, there was an example of an interracial relationship that seemed to epitomize what's good between individuals of different races. Anyways, I was just standing there on the platform waiting for the next train when I glanced this Asian and white couple walking towards me. Of course, the endearing part was that they were both over the age of sixty...a concept that seems to be devoid in many of our stereotypical rice and potato relationships. The Asian (actually, Korean..heh, I can tell) wife was wheelchair-bound and her husband was pushing her wheelchair.

They weren't smiling or holding each other in any mushy manner. In actuality, they both seemed quite whithered and rather affected by the general chill of a Bostonian winter. However, it just seemed so normal for both of them to just stroll down the platform and there was no eager pretense on either part. I guess I was just touched by the lack of exocitization and inequity in their relationship: they were both old...and still together. Maybe it's the sympathy and rapport that I have for the elderly. In any case, they were an interesting sight for this pre-holiday waiting period.

Piecemeal

There's no objection to the rampant exploitation of a secular Christmas...as oxymoronic as that sounds. Even though conservatives would love to blame this on the ultro-liberals for de-Jesus-ing Christmas, I'd like to point the finger at the big corporations. We've all seen the television commericals about all-inclusive celebrations and all that jazz...big businesses want to be inclusive, because they want everyone's money. Therefore, the corporations are only fueling the small movement of individuals who are pushing for a secular holiday season. Granted, there is a fine line between fostering a multicultural and multi-deonominational environment. However, it's also about co-opting different culture's traditions...perhaps something WASP-y America hasn't been too acquainted with.

If you really think about it, the relevance of the modern Christmas holiday has little to no bearing to that oh-so religious nativity scene. The birth of baby Jesus has nothing to do with neither snow nor presents. So, how come it's become almost synonomous with Christmas? Some folks might say that it has something to do with secular society's attempt to kick Jesus out of Christmas. I'd suggest that it's more of the corporate expectation that religious roots can always serve as a cash cow. While the propogation of gift-giving starting in England, capitalist America has done everything in its power to manufacture a holiday specifically for the purposes of the "fourth quarter".

Maybe if conservatives want a merry Christmas, then they should boycott corporate Christmas. It might be a hint that the ultro-liberals are steadfastly turning into the pawns of corporate America, but somehow conservative folks aren't willing to admit to their own shortcomings. Parents want their children to be faithful to their religion on this important holiday; children grow up with the belief that Santa Claus is here to reward them with gifts down the chimney. Isn't that the biggest contradiction? We want to say that having each other is enough, yet to can't resist the call of the gift-giving and receiving. I guess we should wonder about cultures and societies that don't celebrate Christmas and how their lives are different or similar to our own. Hmm...

Oh yeah...Merry Christmas to the Brits.

Hunter's holiday

I decided to take the rest of the week off from job hunting, since it's inevitable that everyone will be taking their four or five day holiday weekend soon. Besides that, I'm extremely exhausted by my brief, yet frequent trips to Manhattan...something that should be best left to the employed folks than myself. In any case, tomorrow's just another day closer until Christmas...a time when folks can finally enjoy what's left of this politically crappy year and plot their "patriotic revenge" for the new year. Fortunately, I'm always the optimistic type who prays for astronomical events to mysteriously crash land on specific coordinates in the United States...at least my odds are better than that of winning the lottery. Either way, I guess I still win.

On a different note, I happen to discover that Nintendo did hit its mark with their new console. Heh, I'm somewhat amused by the rather non-surprising news, but it's a good bitch slip at the PSP for now. It's funny that I really haven't heard Dez express any interest, considering his penchant for ant-sized protagonists. Of course, the highlight of this console revolution ought to be the rampany spread and appearances of the Nintendo DS...but I guess most folks have yet to procure their own units. When I'm actually on the train and staring down the aisle of DS-toting commuters, then I can tell Nintendo that they've successively penetrated the market...and of course, I'd be the one to determine what's a successful penetration.

Back to the job interview from this week, I'll be writing the guy a thank-you letter. Hopefully that'll butter up the chances of me getting invited back for the second round interview...even if I can't grow a goatee in time. While all the resume websites always tell you to send those things directly after the interview, I thought I'd give it a few days, especially considering the school will be closed until the new year. Hmm...it'd be so sweet if I could work in a high school. Meh, much to the chagrin of some of my lecherous friends...no, I won't be hooking folks up with jail-bait hotties. Ahemm, I stare at them all day...I don't want to end up seeing them in compromising positions with the unscrupulous ones, heh..

Sweeping success

Today's interview went pretty well. As my mother later asked me about my confidence compared to the previous interview, I have to say that this organization had everything that last week's lacked. The position was oriented around career counseling for high school students...something that seemed to be much more rewarding, especially since it placed me in direct contact with young people. When I first read the job description, I was instantly attracted to the high school's uniqueness. It's located two blocks away from Union Square, which was very cool for an easy commute. When I went to the high school, it was a very comfortable walk...even in the freezing weather. The outside facade looks exactly like any other school building that most folks are familiar with.

During the interview portion, I was very confident and self-assured in my responses to his questions. For the most part, I maintain control over the process. I would provide very thorough responses, which limited his opportunities to ask the truly difficult questions. (Heh, that's a tip for some folks who might be intimidated by the hard ones.) In any case, I thought I came off as a pretty experienced individual who was serious about the position and that I could successfully and effectively work with the unique population at the school. We talked for a total of forty-five minutes, which, by all accounts, is extremely long for an interview...which hopefully is a sign that we clicked very well together.

The only obstacle seems to be my persona. My interviewer made it a point to reiterate that I would be working mainly with black and Latino students. Therefore, an Asian person would probably have some trouble relating to them...or so he wanted to insinuate. However, I made it clear that I was comfortable and able to work with all students of color, regardless of the fact that I'm Asian. I swear...the main piece of evidence which would show my "toughness" would be a goatee. Ahemm, of course I can't grow any real facial hair...which basically reduces me to boyish good looks...something that apparently doesn't fly when working with black and Latino young people. Sheesh, I need some Rogaine for my chin.

Brain spasm

Nothing too interesting to report other than my trip to Manhattan tomorrow for another interview. It's been rather quiet...even though the backdrop's been itching to burst open with festivities. I've noticed that there's nothing much going on in the retail end of our economy, despite the push for heavier fourth quarter sales. Sure, I'm confident that big businesses will be able to convince their investors that a profit has been turned, but it certainly does not appear that way to the average consumer walking through the malls. What was the big thing for Christmas? I thought the Nintendo DS was going to be the Tickle-Me Elmo for this year, but somehow there's no big news about mobs punching each other silly over the new console.

On a different note, I'm becoming disenchanted with Dudesnude..largely due to the recent explosion of fake profiles. I'm not sure if it's a coincidence, but a large number of those people are Asian or Pacific Islander. No...I'm not saying that it's more prevalent for Asians to have fake pictures, but it seems that the fake pictures that they're posting seem to be idealistic images of what rice queens like to see. In other words, they're the tired ol' Thai porn models, overly beefy muscle marys, and non-nude pictures. Okay, I'm not on Dudesnude to see the Asian guys, but it's always nice to see increased representation. However, the general lack of pictorally-diverse profiles turns me off....you can't have all pictures of your face, or all dicks, or all butt pics. Ahemm, it's pretty boring.

The grass is always greener..

I guess the interviews in NYC signal the possibility that I'll be relocating. Even though I'd like to stay in the comforts of New England, it appears that foreign talent is always scouted in Manhattan. I think most employers want to explore new folks from different locales...in the auspices of getting a diverse mix of candidates and team members. I've been perpetually asked why I don't stay in Boston, but I can only answer by stating my rather dubious reputation as a key factor in why I can't really stay here. No, I'm not the whore of Chinatown if that's what you're thinking. In any case, moving to Manhattan or the Bay Area...or anywhere is simply an act of practicality.

Meh, you might be thinking it's rather impractical to move to a different state, but I guess I'm dug myself a trench when it comes to careers. When one of my relatives offered to forward my resume to her company, I only belched out a boisterous laugh, particularly since I have neither the interest nor the training in becoming a compliance officer for an investment group. By this time, I don't think I can scapegoat my differences on the whole corporate and non-profit dichotomy. The truth is that the market sucks for everybody...no matter who you are. Of course, the biggest concern of mine isn't necessarily the job...it's all the drama associated with moving.

I remember when I moved out to my own apartment for school a few years ago, it was hell-ish to do a different type of hunting. Even though I'm humored by the lower costs of rent in NYC (ahemm, it's true...renting in Boston is horrendously more expensive), you still can't dodge the ugly side of expensive foods and outlandish price tags for household goods. If anything, I think I'll just need to find a good friend who has a car to drive me to the Costco out in the borroughs. Yes, I am a big time Costco shopper. At this point, I'm not even mentally over in the area of searching for apartments...it's all about getting the jobs right now. No job means no apartment hunting...which, in the end, is all the better for me...no worries!

Lollipop mascot

There's always a sense of anticipation that everyone gets when it's the holidays. For the most part, this is the time when folks starts making their list of resolutions to gleefully promise and later break. I'm not the type to ever do something out of bad faith...so resolutions really aren't my thing. However, optimism is certainly my cup of tea and I'll be more than willing to project some visions of possible futures.

1.) Asian political leaders: I'm pretty sure the Bush administration will make the news in the next few month with the suggestion of an Asian or Pacific Islander for a top-level position. This is not a move made on diversity, but an attempt to cozy up with China. If there are no appointments, I'll still believe that heavy business relations will be made to prevent China outgrowth in the world economy.

2.) Shrinking cars: Okay, we know that American cars can only grow bigger...it's our size queen mentality for cars. However, I can see the beginnings of smaller cars hitting the market that are comfortable, cheap, and most importantly, fast. Rather than conserving energy and riding together, the new economy will encourage each individual to own a smaller, more fuel-efficient vehicle. Again, this might open trade relations with Asia, despite previous gripes about the high costs of manufacturing in countries, such as China.

3.) Burden of education: Our overly bloated college education system needs to be revamped. The high prices for private institutions will inevitably drive most students to the public university systems. The increase in enrollment as these schools will help to further expansion and update of services and academia, but only if state subsidies are willing to proportionally increase to finance the increase. If not, expect more international students to come and compete for college seats, because every country in the world is beginning to crank more college-bound young people.

4.) Prison boom boom boom: This isn't necessarily optimistic nor happy in any sense. As evidenced in Texas' history and record with prisons, I foresee one of the biggest expansions in federal prisons in the upcoming years. Unlike the current ones, which house people for non-violent, drug-related crimes, these new institutions will become glorified holding pens for suspected criminals. I guess they should technically be called jails, but that denotes that it's a short-term stay...ahemm, we know that's not true.

5.) Small-time commerce: Even though the climate doesn't appear to be conducive for new businesses, I can envision a new wave of small business ventures that can successively thrive in this big corporation society. Moreover, it won't be restaurants or food-related, because the market is so over-stuffed with those already. I expect to see more vendors developing custom products that is directed at small target audiences...niche markets. My great pick? I'd say mom n' pop suit makers...because formalwear is going to be even more important when the jobs finally return.

One year old

I guess I've been so swept up in the buzz of interviews and Chinatown buses that I forget all about my one year anniversary on Xanga. Heh, it's not too important, but I guess all writers take a step back and look in awe of one year's commitment to writing. For myself, the evolution from a simple person-tracking device to full scale writing project is quite impressive, right? If anything, this has been a way for me to further develop my writing skills, because you can never be too good or too skilled for writing. Even though I'm working on several different book projects, it's never easy to try and finish these things, especially when you have to be so committed to the continuity of each book...unfortunately no one can ever write a whole book in one setting.

In the second year of Xanga, I wonder if I can keep up with the grind. I won't scapegoat Xanga and journal writing with my scatterbrain attempt to look for a job. However, I also am aware that I'm not trying as hard as the folks who already have a job. Maybe it's because I'm a spoiled child with too much time on my hands. At the same time, my mother's been so understanding that I need a fulfilling job as opposed to a well-paying one. Of course, I'm never the practical type when it comes to jobs. Anyways, I think there's only upward and onward from here...I can't get any more under-employed from here.

Tech-NO-logy

I went to my interview for that position at the youth technology agency. I won't second-guess my performance, because I thought my responses to their questions was pretty dang good. In spite of that, I still felt like I was light years away from getting the position...whether it's me not being what they want or me not wanting to join their agency. Throughout the interview, it just felt as if there was something totally wrong with their organization...little tidbits that eventually seem to turn into a pile of silent misgivings. As I would have it, there's a list..

2.) Invisible youth: For a youth-serving organization, I found it very shocking that there was little to no indication that young people ever go that space. It was an open floor plan and people's desks were scattered throughout the space, but there was no gathering spot, sofas, banged up furniture, or anything to show that the space is lived-in by young people. There were no paintings, no decorations, nor posters featuring youth. The space was sterile and seemed more like some fly-by night operation, which was apparently setting up shop in Soho.

4.) Bend over backwards: For a job that's suppose to pay no more than $29K, it's immensely anal to make me even consider becoming part of a 3-stage interview process. I got an initial telephone interview and then there's the interview at their office. They then tell me that I'd not only be interviewed by the Executive Director, but also the Director of Evaluations. Wha?? For a measly $27-$29K, I'm going to have to go to FOUR separate interviews for a position that won't even last more than two years.

Off to see the wizard..

Well, I'll be in Manhattan for a day and a half for my job interview with an agency down in Soho. It's really funny that I would have to go to Soho to get a job, but I guess agencies tend to put their offices in the most odd places. By the way, the job is in the igh $20K, as in $27-29K, not simply $20K. Ahemm, you think I'd bother with a salary that's even worse than minimum year in Manhattan? In any case, I'll be interviewing for probably no more than an hour and afterwards, I'll have lunch with a friend. Then, I'll head home and repeat this whole process all over again next week. Gee, I must be a robot or something...because I certainly feel like one doing this commuting over and over.

Did you know that Christmas is just a little bit over a week away? Somehow it seemed as if it snuck up on everyone this year. However, I'm glad that we can finally wrap up this sordid year. Now if I could only figure out how I'm going to pay off those dang loans. It's either I wish my lenders' offices would suddenly all explode or I win the lottery...whichever comes first. In spite of it all, I guess there's nothing much to do than try and get a job...because it can get pretty boring when you got nothing to do...at home.  A working unhappy man is probably better than an jobless one. Wahoo, hooray for capitalism.

Creative spaces

I'll be heading down to Manhattan tomorrow for my interview on Thursday. As in my entry yesterday, I'm excited about this position at the youth technology agency, because it'll definitely utilize my creative juices. Of course, we all love it when our juices are utilized for anything, but this is a pretty cool job for me if I can actually get it. However, the salary still gets me, because it's in the high $20K...something that's not really too attractive for me to move all the way down to New York City. Don't get me wrong...a fulfilling job isn't simply about money, but it definitely has some weight in determining where I'd want to work.

After I came back from venturing into the city today, my mother also "came out" to me about her intentions to leave on a three month trip. She's been miring about this whole ordeal, because she's stuck between her monotonous life inside the home and her desires to start traveling again. When she asked me about my feeling towards her idea, I gave her my full support...well, it was more like a lack of opposition. Of course, I would never limit her, because she's been nothing but supportive about my searches abroad for employment. Like me, she's been trying to look for a new job too...although she's also trying to adopt a new career. Again, like me, she chooses escapism to avoid the hardships of job hunting. At least I'm not the one who's decided to go on a three month world tour..

Moody Blume

I saw Judy Blume on News Hours with Jim Lehrer on PBS. She received an award for her work on children's literature. During her interview, she said that writers should never write for the sake of their audiences. Instead, she suggest that folks should write for themselves and have that materials come out of themselves. I think that's very good advice, especially for individuals seeking to really create great literature. Unfortunately, I know that I still need to follow Blume's advice to heart, because writing has become so competitive...even on Xanga, you can tell there's a sense of competition between journals on who can be most provacative, funny, or interesting. Heh, I'm well aware of some of the cheap gimmicks that I use, but let's just say that I try to grab every sector of the Xanga audience.

In starting off this week, I've been feeling popular again with new callbacks for job interviews. After diagnosing myself with seasonal affective disorder, I'm finally starting to get a grasp of my rather haphazard job-searching practice over the course of the last few months. Even though I don't really want to take a job in Manhattan anymore, I happen to get these callbacks for some education-related non-profit work...something that I've been ever so interested in, yet never really explored. I guess those 4AM job-searching sessions can pay off when you are bored out of your mind while trying to fall asleep in darkness.

However, this means that I'll be doing sporadic trips just to do interviews, which probably isn't too good for my wallet. Fortunately, they each seem to take care of at least one of my needs. The first callback promises a salary in the mid $30K, which would be more feasible for me if I were to live and survive in New York City. The second callback was for a job that only pays in the high $20K, but it was definitely of great interest to me...working with students in a youth technology agency. I have to admit the lower salary does discourage me, especially with my preference for living inside Manhattan, but it would sustain my sanity longer than the first one. The dilemma would be either a higher salary or a more nurturing environment...hard to choose when you need to pick up your stuff and move.

Convicts, criminals, and yellow

Kasie might be chiming on this one, but I got immersed in those prisoner penpal websites that are rampant across the Internet. Yes, there are the ones where the inmates are trying to find a hookup, but I guess this one site was more moderated and the profiles seem pretty legitimate. Don't worry, I'm not going to write these guys...but it was interesting to see if there were any Asians or Pacific Islanders listed. Unfortunately, there were...but not too many. When you actually browse throught these profiles, it's quite addictive to try and get all the details, particularly on the criminal offenses that they were convicted of. Not surprisingly, there wasn't any common offense among all the Asian and Pacific Islander guys listed. Okay, I'm going to talk about a few of them on this entry, but please use your judgment if you want to read any further.

Noeun Phan: This guy is actually from Massachusetts. I was pretty shocked when I saw this profile, because he sent to prison at the age of sixteen. He was convicted of voluntary manslaughter, but the actual crime was the stabbing death of a rival gang member with a samurai sword committed by his cousin. He was charged and convicted as an accessory and will be released in 2019.

Tuan Dang: If you thought the previous guy was young, Dang was sentenced to prison at the age of fifteen. His offense is different though...he's in for capital murder. However, he has not been sentenced to death, but will be serving a forty year sentence. That means that he will be 56yo after he gets out of prison...which means that most of his adult life will be done in a jail cell.

Wei Lee: This was the only person that I found who was convicted of a RICO offense, which basically means that he was involved in some form of organized crime. He's been in prison since 1993 and will be released in 2008, which seems pretty standard for a RICO charge. He's being held in Atlanta, which you might think is odd, but Atlanta actually has a pretty big Asian population there. Of course, there's no indication that he was living there as a resident and not just there for the crimes.

Michael Chang: No, your favorite Asian American tennis star did not go to prison. This Michael Chang was convicted of manslaughter and is serving a fifteen year sentence. What caught my eye was the fact that he basically went through a fitness transformation during his time in prison. He showed several photographs of himself and it was clear that he started working out while in prison...because you know you need muscles to avoid...you know what.

Michael Powers: While he might not have a very Asian-sounding last name, this guy explains that he's actually hapa, Korean and white. He was convicted of robbery and is serving a fifteen year sentence in a Pennsylvania prison. Of course, the first thing you'll notice is that he looks pretty big and intimidating...and he probably is, standing at 6'2" and weighing 240.

Thongsavanh Vandarak: You might be thinking that it fairly odd that most of these guys are Southeast Asians. Folks who have studied criminal justice or law will tell you about the rates at which Southeast Asians are committing crimes, in addition to being convicted too.We can certainly link this to the poorly planned refugee policies of our federal government for the state of these people's lives.

Skyscraping mole hill

Hmm...folks here already know that I'm all about waggling my ding-dong in every nook and cranny of the Internet. So, I finally decided to take a look at Dudesnude's partner site, which was also developed and hosted by Phil, Dudesnude's webmaster. I took one look at Guys4men.com and I immediately was turned off by the horrible functions and layout of this softcore version of Dudesnude. Moreover, I found the guys there to either be toned-down version of the raunchy guys found on Dudesnude or guys who probably wouldn't have the balls to put up a full frontal picture. It's quite disappointing, but now I can see why Phil would much rather commit his time to Dudesnude based on the crappy audience who populate Guys4men.com.

Of course, the site eerily reminded me of my initial experience with racism on Dudesnude...except Guys4men.com has yet to deal with it. While it promotes itself as a dating and relationships website, you can still see blatantly racist profiles all flung about. What's (not) shocking is the fact that the majority of these people are Asian.

Wha?? Yes, you read it correctly. Normally I wouldn't name names, but this site's crappiness deserves some disclosure of some of these unseemly individuals. The person who apparently is on the top of my list right now would be willing76. A so-called UC-Berkeley educated guy who boasts about being un-PC would certainly have no problems declaring his fancy for potato.

Ahemm, I would then wonder why the hell a person could even consider himself "courteous and respectful to others" when he basically backstab his whole community by saying that he'd rather date white guys. Sure, I'll give him the benefit of a doubt that he's some lost child struggling to find his place in this white-dominated society...but then you'd know that I'd only be patronizing the poor soul. That's the inconsistency that I hate...self-loathing Asians who try and disguise their obvious prejudice as simple preferences...as un-PC as he may be, he probably doesn't want to be branded as racist. Of course, we all know that most of us literally wouldn't want to date someone who'd "resemble family", but it doesn't serve as euphemism for racism.

As with rice queens or potato queens, I'd only imagine the situation if sex was a cure to this horrible poison that terrorists unleashed. The antidote could only be taken by having sex with someone who is of the same race. If these individuals who so hell-bent on their so-called preferences, how many would rather die than to boink their own "family". I've said this before...I can't stand the ubiquity of this kind of racism. However, I probably hate the underhanded losers who lie about their racism even more...they can't stand being ostracized for their "preferences" and instead just gives us their false smiles and nods. My advice is to not lie about your preferences...but don't feel so proud about it either. I wonder if there's anything wrong with just knocking down those barriers. Perhaps the strongest message about your own character is whether you can look someone who looks like...or vice versa. Gee, this is a mountain...mole hill is over!

Manhattan alive!

Well, I decided to post up a quick notice about my departure to Manhattan for the weekend. It certainly serves as an appropriate invitation for all my New York City-based readers and writers to slip into the mix and meet me for some Saturday morning dim sum. Aaron was so gracious of a host last time that I'll be danged if I can find someone else with as great connections to Chinatown. Since he's dearly departed in the heartland of all things sticky, I'd be up for anyone else who want to join me for some munching.

I'll still be posting up some over the weekend, including my previously unpublished rant about covert potato queens and a new piece on convicted Asian and Pacific Islanders. For now, toodles!

Gotta catch em' all, Part 3

On Dudesnude, you sometimes might get the jaded impression that everyone on there is a meathead with nothing to offer except their...well, meats. I was adequately surprised to actually talk to a fashion designer on there, who seemed like a pretty decent individual. Of course, he was a hardcore leatherman with the tattoos and piercings, but then again, that probably might add to the persona necessary for the fashion industry. We ended up talking about a wide array of topic, including my ineptitude for the sewing machine. Heh, you probably might have thought that nothing better goes on, but non-sexual topics make for the most interesting conversations on sites, such as Dudesnude.

Along the same topic, I happened to see a Massachusetts profile that was so obviously fake. Yes, this insane individual basically ripped off a well-known web celebrity and blatantly misrepresented himself. I used to think that you need to personally expose these fakers, but I've learned that folks like that don't even deserved your attention. These people operate with a limited amount of pictures to purport as themselves and eventually folks will say, "Don't you have any newer stuff?" I should probably write a FAQ about how to keep your own pics from being stolen for impersonation by some online faker, but we'll save that for next week.

Getting back to Dudesnude in general, you probably know it's not unusual for me to be contacted by very much older men. Gee, this part is probably repetitive. I've learned to live with it, especially since there's no pretense that I would ever have to meet these people in real life. Of course, my biggest pet peeve is when folks suddenly message me about seeing more pictures. It's pretty lame for guys to be so ungrateful...why would folks ask about seeing more pictures when they already see a full profile up already? Sheesh. Luckily those types of messages don't come too often and I usually ignore them. Anyways, I think that's all for Dudesnude talk. Tomorrow you'll get to hear about the "sister" site.

Mental sphincter

I decided not to post something up on racism today, because it seemed as if it's been all I've talked about all week. Heh, I did get a response from the guy from yesterday, but I'll probably post up later in the week. In any case, I'm not surprised by his retort to my retort. When we don't talk about the problems, folks are usually more than willing to believe that there's nothing wrong. Since I'm going away this weekend, I'll probably switch my postponed entry to one of the days that I'm busy. Yes, I do write chunk loads in advance, but my writing doesn't stop just being an entry has gotten too long.

I ended up talking to a friend in Manhattan today and he was talking about his favorite creations, jello shots. Personally, I don't really like non-liquid alcoholic stuff, such as chocolates, cakes, or even meats. Instead, I almost always surprise any self-respecting gay men with my penchant for beers. Yes, I am a beer drinker. Somehow most gay guys I know give me the hairy eyeball when I tell them that I like the stuff, because it's apparently not classy enough for a gay soiree. Of course, the random belches of beer yeast doesn't strike anyone as being too classy either, but hey, I can belch like any gross frat boy. However, don't get me wrong...I don't like the crap that comes in a can. Beer always seems to taste better when it comes out of a beer bottle. Budweiser? Ahemm, no.

On a less enebriating topic, I will be taking another break from job hunting. Yes, I am so procrastinating, but I don't know what's wrong with me. Somehow looking for job has become a job itself...something that I'd much rather push off. My mother has recently nagged me about getting a job, because she's decided to quit her job...as mother. In other words, she's declaring her "Emanicipation Proclamation" and ready to pack her bags for her ticket around the world. Of course, my mother isn't as cosmopolitan as it sounds...but I'm sure she's as equally afflicted with wanderlust as I am. I used to think that I was adopted, but now I see that I really am the product of the two parents. Also, I'm pretty sure now that my brother's adopted. Meh.

Raging ponies of ignorance

Gee, why are white guys the first to send you a criticism? Maybe it's because they feel personally offended. Then again, maybe the point is to finally get someone to tell them that they shouldn't be prancing around like it's their home. I think I'd rather take David over this guy...at least David's capable of learning. Of course, the more educated these guys seem, the less aware they are of social issues. Moreover, I have yet to encounter an Asian or Pacific Islander guy who would disagree with my eulogy. Heh, but why would they even bother to check my profile out if they were potato queens anyways. Who said sanity was chic again?

Eulogy to a website membership

Grandeur

I went to another birthday dinner again...this time at a restaurant that our family actually likes. The occasion was to celebrate the full-month birthday of a relative of my step-cousins. While it was one of my preferred restaurants, I had to say the food was rather sub-par this time around. I guess it actually was what they ordered...it was all seafood and seemed a bit more hodge-podge than an actual banquet menu. In any case, I had to remark about the element of family among my step-cousin's side of the family. They're much more deeply connected to each other, since 95% of them were born in mainland China. However, there's this gigantic rift between the American-born children and the ones who were born in China.

Of course, you might be thinking that the American-born ones are a bit more spoiled and more acculturated...and you'd be right. The two teenagers who were born here are the most rotten people in the family...they clearly only know how to take care of their own selfish needs. Even when there's the simple task of helping to reading snail mail, the children aren't willing to help their parents...even if it meant the important mortgage letters. I don't know if I can explain this with the apparently corruptive nature of living in this country, but I've also noticed that their younger cousin who immigrated here a few years ago is starting to act the same way. However, that same cousin's older siblings don't behave any more close to that.

If there's any concurrent behavior among all of the children in that family, I'd have to say the obsession over material objects. Sure, we're all subject to that type of madness, but it seems quite magnified for them. I could only surmise that they feel that their parents and family in general aren't too well off and thus have over-compensate by having more material things. Of course, there isn't the least bit of commitment to education and schooling, since their parents seem to be rather indifferent about their children's progress. Regardless, I have to say that I really admire the older generation's sense of togetherness...heh, unlike my family, where we're ready to beat each other over the head with that ladle we use for shark fin soup.

Nasty pornification

There's a philosophical side to making porn that I think we're not all really ready to answer when it comes to sticky rice porn. Even though we're all delighted, if not overjoyed, to see some fresh and comtemporary Asian and Pacific Islander horizontal mambo-ing on celluloid, you got to wonder whether or not it'll benefit our community. Yes, it'll certainly increase the number of crumbled up tissues and satsified smiles, but you got to wonder whose faces (and urethras) they would belong to. Of course, there's no boundary to politicizing this seemingly benign porno revolution. If we want to create a niche market to show hot Asian-on-Asian action, is there need to consider the impact of producing such porn?

You, me, and perhaps a million of other gay men are itching to see guys like Van Darkholme finally boink some yellow ass...which would be reminiscent of the Brandon Lee era of Asian American porn stardom. However, it's always difficult to say who these products would serve. Could Van Darkholme's uber-butch presence be later only exploited by a (non-sticky) rice queen majority who, by all standards, are only repeating the same commodification? Despite his penchant for topping and dark BDSM treatments, it can only be a gross mutation of our image from submissive sex toy bottoms to aggressive sex toy tops. Sure, we'd all love to be diversified and finally be recognized for a position other than on our backs, but it's ultimately that shaky stereotype of ourselves as the perennial boy toy (ahemm, man toy).

Maybe this is the contradiction in pornography. You can't vainly attempt to change the landscape of sex on DVD and still try and maintain a sense of moral superiority. Hence, you can't claim that sticky rice porn in the United States can substantively be different from the kind being mass-produced in Thailand. While you and I might accept the new political message built into our new version of sticky rice porn, it certainly doesn't stop the "admirers" from achieving the same orgasms that the imported variety had previously brought in. Therefore, you have to debate whether you (ahemm, and I do mean you the Xanga reader) would like to see American sticky rice porn as a reaction out of pure sexual boredom or as a mainstay of intraracial revolution. Yes, it's quite complicated indeed.

Pudgy pig

I was reminded by a friend today about my supposed fat gut. Ahemm, don't worry...I don't buy into the criticisms about my body. If I didn't care about people telling me that I'm a skeleton, then there's no difference for me to do anything even if I was becoming a behemoth. If anything, it's just something for me to think about...for example, how am I actually gaining all that weight. I think one part of my diet has the significant increase in dairy...even more so than usual. Yes, you know that I like to eat cheesy foods...that stuff can definitely pack on the weight. However, I've also been eating so much more cereal, but with 2% reduced fat milk. Unlike my childhood however, I do drink the milk now, which might serve as a good explanation for my sudden weight gain. Heh, you might think that's a lot for just milk, but I'm the only one who drink the one quart container of milk.

As for my friend, I told him that I could care less about his "feedback" about my pudge. There's a certain group of my friends who like me, because I don't care about my appearance...or more like that I don't feel the need to change my appearance to suit the trends. It's definitely hard to live that way, but living on other people's standards can only drive you crazy. While I don't plan to go on a weight loss regimen to regain my abs, I will try to see how I can pack in more nutrients with less mass. Heh, we all love tweaking with our diets.

You can pick your nose..

I went to my grandmother's birthday dinner tonight...no one really knows her official birthday, since she has a habit of jumping back and forth from her Western and Chinese calendar dates. Heh, none of her children remember her exact birth date either...so we always end up celebrating it on a different week or month. As always, I sat there with little to do, since a majority of the food was seafood...a cuisine that doesn't suit my palette at all. Luckily, I ate a turkey sandwich before getting to the restaurant...yes, you need to be that crafty if you don't want to end up starving at these 10-course banquet meals.

One thing that I learned from the dinner was that people can be extreme dolts when they see a baby. My cousin's son has been the joy of the family...everyone goes bonkers when they see the cute little marshmallow. However, it's incredibly annoying when the most irritating people at these functions end up making "baby noises". Ahemm, if babies were actually super-intelligent and could talk back to you like Stewart from Family Guy, then they'd probably say, "Goo goo goo?? What the hell are you saying?" This is probably where the contradiction comes in...children want to be treated like adults and adults enjoy treating children like children. Of course, that just means you say, "goo goo goo" over and over. Gee, if you don't tired of it, I certainly will.

Okay, don't get me wrong...I love children. I can't wait to have a few of my own, but I would be one of those weird parents who'd encourage my child to be independent. I'd probably slip some additive in their baby formula that turns them into hyper-intelligent progidies and I'll enroll them into Harvard at the age of twelve. Of course, I'll revel in the times that I can give them belly-button raspberries, but I would never resort to "goo goo goo". Ahemm, it's only time until other folks in my family start popping out the babies...I should be in a race to beat them out. Oh well, as long as I'm not some childless grouch, I'm not going to be too disappointed. Watch out, I might be that crazy person with the fifty cats.

Tastes like teen spirit

I guess there's nothing much to say about the departure of Tom Ridge as the head of Homeland Security...except for joy and praise that he's finally gone. Although his appointment and even the establishment of the new department was highly lauded by the media and political insiders, I believed that it was all part of a feel-good policy...to elate folks who might have thought they could never stepped on another airplane again. Certainly, we can attribute Ridge with the fact that there has been no more immediate threats to national security, but I think the President has also taken credit for that one. If you're nostalgic for the fruits of Ridge's labor, bask in the glory that you're much safer when wrapped up in the Homelan