Akuma's Inner Turmoils v. 8.00: Rebirth

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8/30/2004

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Wedding Rituals [
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Family and Friends] — Akuma @
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8:09 pm

So the clan of twenty plus people in one house at 9am…. The fog just beginning to dissapate and the fragrance of incense is perfuming the air…. all together to do the ritual of presenting a full roasted suckling pig to the bride’s side of the family (my cousin) and the presentation of cakes to the groom’s family and close friends. All the younger generations just watch in silence to soak in these traditions that has been done in countless generations before. One can just wondered if we will be pasting these archaic traditionals down to the next generation. I feared that these types of rituals among this modern society is slowly disappearing into tales of yore…. along with old wise tales of superstitions and good luck charms. Such rituals are struggling to adapt in modern society, a society where science is constantly envolving but yet we tend to hold onto the mystique of the unknown. Maybe that is the best that we don’t have the answer to everything but we can sure try to attain that knowledge for ourselves to improve and understand ourselves better.

In a few weeks, the other cousin is getting married. She’s a twin and decided last year to split the wedding into two years for the sake of the family paying for a dual wedding. I am quite excited about the festivities that will be happening. I have some very bositerous relatives who are fully of energy and fun. There was non stop chattering among the cousins, talking about our younger days and how we all have matured. To have half the cousins you have know married with significant others. All I can do is just be thankful of what I have and smile.

I’m outz,

CHris

Comments (101)

8/27/2004

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Photo Friday: Modern [
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Photo Friday] — Akuma @
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6:30 pm

This week theme is Modern. Courtesy of Photo Friday:

This shot was taken from below inside of the main hall of the Asian Art Museum earlier this month. Very modern looking building.

Comments (106)

8/25/2004

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Drunken Phone Call [
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Family and Friends] — Akuma @
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7:17 pm

My godbro is so funny. I got a call from a weird area code and did not intially picked up the call. But once I got the voicemail, I recognized the voice and call him back. So we played catch up on how we are doing. I havent talk to my gay friends for a while and haven’t gotten a status update from him for a while. So we talk for a bit. But I immediately noticed the slurring of his voice. He was drunk.

So he goes on telling me that he got sent to this hickvilles town on the New Mexico and Colorado border and told me he hasn’t gotten laid in the past weeks. I told him to hold out on it and hope that he will be back to his boyfriend soon. But get this: he kept on ranting how ugly the people are over there and there is no eye candy for him to even flirt with. I can’t help him but offer him solace and comfort that he has to only be there for one more week and preceding downing another drink on the phone for me to hear.

Ahhh how I love drunken stupor calls on a Tuesday night.

I’m outz,

CHris

Comments (9)

8/24/2004

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Family Bound [
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Family and Friends] — Akuma @
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7:07 am

3am my mother received a call from Malaysia….

“Your oldest sister has past on….” She was 64, my dad is only 2 years younger than her. This really hits home for us.

My mom has been in a somber mood today. It her first death of her sibling, my aunt, her sister and my mom being thousands of miles away. All her brothers and sisters were very close and it going to be a sad thing for my mom because this time around she can’t go home to the funeral in Malaysia. I wish I was working so I can help send my mom home. But the situation right now can’t allowed us to do that. She is the only one of the siblings who ever left Malaysia, so I know the guilt of not being there. Like my grandmother passing away a few years back with me being the only grandchild who didn’t make it home.

Now we also have a situation where my mom wants to go into mourning period but my cousin is getting marry next month and if my mom goes into mourning period, she can’t do any wedding prepartions and this is tearing my mom apart. My other aunt is really head strong and superstitious and I fear she wont take it well if my mom pull out on the wedding stuff. I told my mom it can be adapted to modern times and I think she agreeds with me but I know my other aunt who is handling the wedding won’t see it the way I see it.

Family dilemmas. Don’t we love them?

May my aunt rest in peace.

I’m outz,

CHris

Comments (13)

8/23/2004

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Bond [
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General] — Akuma @
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7:06 pm

I can die a happy man now.

Well this is the only time I will give this much props to a music group. For I adore this group to bits and I vowed that I see this group in concert live before I die. This is one of the few groups that I have that I own ALL of their original cds and remember this is the MP3 era age. This is the concert I anticipated more than the Madonna’s one I went to.

Me, Mona and Raven got to see Bond live today at Bimbo’s 365 club. For those who doesn’t know about Bond, Bond is an all girl neo classical group. 2 violins, viola and cello player but all of their instruments are electronic base. All of them HOT LEGGY females. (Yes you heard right and yes I am pretty sure I am gay. ) We also got to check out the venue which reminded me of a a very classy burlesque house. Very Scarlet in color. The opening act was this guy name Joshua Payne, some nice dude from the “mountains of Arkansas” which put Mona in a yawning frenzy and me and Raven in our rolling eye frenzy, he was okay but I wasn’t expecting this guy at all, we all struggle to keep awake. As Raven put it: Michael Boltonish!!! Bah.

But once Bond got started with their music. I was pretty much memorized for the duration of their music playing. What impressed me even further is when they did a set with them on the traditional instruments. They played with such piazzez and flair that all you can do is close your eyes and enjoyed their playing. Raven and Mona haven’t heard of them before but they really enjoyed the concert. 2 whole hours of blissful music. San Francisco was their last stop of their national tour and they also complimented on how they love this city and our lovely hills. ehehhehe. They also got the audience hooting it up when they told their friends that the venues they were playing was call BIMBOS. The other good part was this old guy in the front row. BOPPING and jumping his head off. Gee I wonder why….

All in all. I am just happy that I got to see my favorite group play here in SF. Thanks Mona and Raven for coming with me.

I’m outz,

CHris

Comments (8)

8/18/2004

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Dinner with Doctor Guy [
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Dating/Relationship] — Akuma @
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10:32 am

So Doctor Guy and I finally met last Sunday for dinner. We been talking for the past year and it is so nice to finally meet in person. He was hungry for tapas so I suggested Asian Fusion tapas at Ponzu’s. We were so at ease with each other, it really felt that we have known each other for a while and we ended talking throughout dinner about contempary art, his work, my job hunt and family in general. But my feelings wasn’t as strong for him than previous before before I started talking to J. Maybe because me and J have so much more in common and he makes much more of an effort to get to know me than Doctor guy did. But that’s how I felt. But J is going to try to come out to spend some time in the upcoming months and I’ll see how that go. I am in no rush so I am not going to think too much about this scenario for right now.

I’m outz,

CHris

Comments (111)

8/13/2004

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Photo Friday: Traquility [
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Photo Friday] — Akuma @
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7:22 pm

This week theme is Traquility: Courtesy of Photo Friday:

This shot was taken outside at the visitor center of Hearst Castle’s 2 weeks ago. I thought this shot was quite serene and tranquil.

Comments (11)

8/12/2004

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QuarterLife Crisis [
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General] — Akuma @
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9:42 am

QLC

This is the result of the shoot that I did for Mona’s Quarterlife Crisis project. The pics of that project came out to be great with great interpertation of men that are going through quarterlife crisis. I don’t like my mug shot in the gallery. But its all good. I always love doing these project with Mona. Her artistry has improved so much and her creativity and imagination has matured as well. Pssst Mona……its 2 times not 3 times. LOL.

Go check out her work!

I’m outz,

CHris

Comments (10)

8/10/2004

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Malaysian Idol [
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General] — Akuma @
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8:06 pm

I blame my fellow Malaysian friend for sending me the orginal link to the site. I don’t know how I got even more caught up with the available mpegs to follow with the contestants on what going on. It doesn’t have the glitz and galmour of the American one but it is a good way to fill in my time to follow whats going on the other side of the Pacific ocean.

I already got my favorites. And hopefully she goes far in the contest.

GO NIKKI! You been my favorite from the start.

I’m outz,

CHRIS

Comments (102)

8/7/2004

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First Steps [
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Gay Life] — Akuma @
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9:25 pm

My father finally met with my brother’s boyfriend last night. If you don’t know what that means in my household: THAT MEANS ACCEPTENCE. Not a full one but still this is a huge step for all of us as a family. For the longest time both my brother and I dreamed to one day to be able to bring home our boyfriends to meet with mom and dad and introduce them as our partners. And for our parents and how they would raise, we would never thought that we will see the day that we will be able to sit down as a family and eat together or do things as a family. We waited for so long for that oppunitity and today of all days, he had ask my brother’s boyfriend to come for his birthday dinner. We were all hesititated of how he would react or what would he say. But he and dad did talk and in the end of the dinner and they left, my dad commented on him being very nice and good looking “kid”. But the heavy weight in our hearts has been lifted. This is a culimation of 4 years of making our parents understand that we didn’t choose to be gay and if we had a chance we would be straight and it is not thier fault that we turn out like this. I think our parents finally realize that we are great kids and they wanted us to be happy no matter what we stylestyle we got into. Nothing beats that feeling right now. Nothing.

I’m outz,

CHris

Comments (108)

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Being A Mentor [
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Gay Life] — Akuma @
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9:27 am

One of the gay youths that I met at retreat was asked me a lot about a lot about gay life and giving him an insight of being an older gay asian. It’s quite funny how much of me I see him, I won’t mentioned which aspects of me he reminded me of but I reflected back to the time where I was a younger and more optimistic about love and having way too many of those trashy romance novels fantasies embedded of what love and a relationships should be in my head. Being nativete could do things and time goes on, harsh realities set in and sometimes you aren’t prepare to deal with. Guess that is part of life. I really wanted to see if he will turn out when he hits my age.

I also got to educate another member of the youth group about her preception of gay people and her upbringing as a Catholic. She never really gotten to ask questions to some of gay friends about certain issues and all she has philosophy is based of her upbringings from her Catholic school and the Bible. She not really homophobic but she thinks it immoral for us to be gay. I turned it around and ask her is it moral for me to go to hell based one that one “sin” of being gay….something I didn’t choose to be versus all the good that I have done? That really made her think… She also had an opputunity to ask me many of the questions she couldn’t ask her friend because of the fear of being riduculed or laughed at. After our talk, we came to a better understanding to things. I also gave her some insights of what she will be dealing in college and the challenges that she might be facing and in the end. I think we found mutual respect for each other with an oppunitity to continue of dialogue and learning more.

Ahhhh being an adult has its fringe benefits.

I’m outz,

CHris

Comments (9)

8/5/2004

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Minor Clean Up [
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General] — Akuma @
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8:44 am

Just gave some time to myself to do some clean up to my website. I went to EVERY SINGLE ONE of my links to check if they are still active and over 20 of them are either gone on hiatus mode or their site disappeared. Giving them a few more weeks before I take them off. It also gave me some time to catch up on some backreading on my friends’ blogs. I also reorganized some of my links to tailored them to my needs.

I also just did some minor cosmestic changes to the site. It should look much cleaner. If it looks messed up when you view it. It means I am tinkering it behind the background. FYI.

I’m outz,

CHris

Comments (112)

8/4/2004

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Camming with the Lobster Queen [
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Gay Life] — Akuma @
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6:51 pm

I finally had the honor of talking to Wayne today via YM today, we been reading each other blogs for god knows how long and it our first time talking. I don’t usually cam but for Wayne Bak Bak I will make an exception. I haven’t laugh so hard in a long time. Wayne bak bak has been given a new name due to his general silliness These are the few lessons I came away with our chats.

1. You can’t beat him in terms of divaness. I didn’t even try, he owns the cameras and am humble by his all out diva-ness.

2. Vogue’in is brought into a whole new level with Wayne around. (He can put Madonna to shame.)

3. He likes weird stuff animals. He produced a reindeer from nowhere and a lobster on his head as a crown. So hence the Lobster Queen.

4. He likes to instigate….a lot….and I do mean A LOT.

5. He’s so cute on camera. You just want to pinch his cheeks. Which cheeks!??!??! My lips are sealed. Use your best judgment.

6. He thinks I am a Hoe. Hoing myself online. (He has an over active imagination.)

7. Ass slapping in HOT shorts could actually slim you down Wayne.

8. Making faces at him is futile…. you will lose.

9. He still thinks my camera shaking was earthquakes. *wink* and no I wasn’t jacking off. : P INSTIGATOR.

10. He just a sweet a guy in term of his blog and our chat.

Wayne thanks for our chat tonight. It was truly a blast.

I’m outz,

CHris

Comments (6)

8/3/2004

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Back [
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Family and Friends] — Akuma @
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8:47 am

I’m back from my trip down south to the lovely Hearst Castle and camping retreat with the youth group.

The retreat for some of us started a bit late because one of the chaperones couldn’t get off on time, so three of us left quite late and didn’t arrive to camp till 10pm. Intially the youth group didn’t know who we were and we quickly introduced ourselves and preceded hang around the campfire and talking to them into the wee hours.

The second day we made a quick breakfast so we can leave for the 11 o’clock tour of Hearst Castle.

Words can’t describe the beauty of the castle that I have for this place. It’s a castle, museum and decadence galore and I have plenty of pictures to show you of this place. The two below is the one of the pools you would see and one of the main houses on the estate. The rest of the pics from the trip can be found here.

The afternoon the rest of us was spent at the beach and getting to know the youth better. There was 30 of them and I know about 1/3 of those youths because those were the alumni members of the group. We played a lot of ice breakers and played capture the flag with them. I was quite aggressive in that game and I think I shock some of the members of my group because some of them have never seen that side of me. The competitiveness really comes out because I hate losing hehehee.

Nighttime we made speghetti with potstickers. (Yes you read right, asian twist to the meat balls. ehhehe) and we huddle around the camp fire telling our life stories to the group. Lots of tears involved but it did bring the group together by sharing the most intimate details of ours lives to each others. A lot of similar stories involved but happy that in the end we were all equal.

The last day was the award cermonies for the group. The award names was quite ingenious and have to deal with each person’s distinct characteristics of the group. Guess what award I got? “Smilez” becuase everyone thought I was the most cheerful of the group and it brought everyone up and I love that award. It does bring a smile to my face when I think about it.

Here’s a pic of the group that I spent my time with.

This trip was something that I really needed to get myself back into focus and I am glad that I made so many news friends on this trip.

Hope you enjoy the pics.

I’m outz,

CHris

Comments (7)