Akuma's Inner Turmoils v. 8.00: Rebirth

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7/31/2004

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2 hours [
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Dating/Relationship] — Akuma @
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12:55 pm

2:00.54…..

That was the time on my cell phone once I got off the phone with J.

When the last time I talk to someone for that amount of time?

Our conversations drifted into about growing up, coming out and previous relationships. But talking to him, I couldn’t get rid of that smile on my face during the whole conversation. We have a lot in common but growing up in different countries we have enough different to be not be compares to twins. One step at a time.

Tonight I leave to Hearst Castle tonight and will be back with pictures.

Have a great weekend you guys,

J: Have a blast okay? I know you read my blog.

Comments (102)

7/29/2004

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Insurance [
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General] — Akuma @
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10:51 am

Sometimes this really pisses me off. I hate it when people give me the wrong information to help someone ask me to help them do something. It is one thing to ask me to do it for them and it another to provide me the wrong info. My dad is renewing his auto insurance and lo and behold. The info that he gave me was entirely different than what was on the previous information on his last insurance. Like the year of the make of the car and vehicle identification number. It made me sound like I was trying to insure a car that was stolen. Thank god I got everything resolved and taken car of. But it wasn’t my fault that I provided the wrong info. Then I realized that my father has been driving his car without right vechicle number for the past 6 months. *sigh*

But I am glad I will be taking a short free trip for a few days. 250 miles away from the city. Can’t wait!!!

I’m outz,

CHris

Comments (113)

7/26/2004

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Being Tour Guide [
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General] — Akuma @
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8:02 pm

My thighs are sore….I am sunburned but I had so much fun this past weekend. I had a friend who came into town to visit San Francisco and we did the usual touristy thing. But for those who usually ended me as a tour guide I would make them do the usual San Franciscan do, all ground modes except the car (for the people who don’t leave here, driving is hell here and parking is even worse.) We took a trip to the Palace of Fine Arts by biking through the Marina District and the Marina. I think it is the best scenic way to see San Francisco and getting all the neccessary excerise as well. : ) Well my friend really enjoy his first visit here as well and hopefully we will be able to hang out again in the near future. He actually a pretty good biker, he the first one who actually went AHEAD of me most of the time.

I’m outz,

CHris

Comments (10)

7/23/2004

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And He Call Me [
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Gay Life] — Akuma @
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9:03 am

Wow…. I was so dumbfounded when he actually call me from England.

Remember from my previous entry about that hottie from England. Well I finally going to give him an intial: “J”. Today we talk briefly online and I don’t know why, I show him my previous entry online and then J suddenly wanted to hear my voice and ask for my number. Casually (well not that casually) I gave it to him thinking nothing more than a brief hello. I thought of him of being quite shy and you know one of those guys that didn’t talk much. But boy was I in for a suprise. We ended up chatting up a storm and talking about family and friends. Our lives was ended up eeriely similar. We both speak Cantonese fluently and both been bred biculturally. Our conversation circle a lot about family and how we grew up in our respective country. He kept on continuely ask me why I am single and I didn’t quite have the answer to that. But judging from our intial conversation today. We will have many more conversations to come. I don’t know right now, it’s too early to say anything right now. But I will do this, I will retract my last statement about starting something that far away.

As some of my readers point out. Cyn and M have done that and for me, it will be me moving to Europe instead of J moving here. He’s more establish in career than I am. I am still the younger one. My prespective in things. I look forward to the next time he calls me.

I’m outz,

CHris

EDIT: He left me a comment.

Comments (104)

7/20/2004

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Why Am I Attracting Guys From Far Away [
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Gay Life] — Akuma @
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2:14 pm

Can I say life is unfair sometimes??? There is a really hot guy who been cooresponding with me for a while and the part that sucks. We’re not in the same….city? nope. state? nope. region? nope. country? nope. continent? nope. Try United Kingdom.

A whole damn ocean seperating us. No way in hell I am starting something that will require me to be more than 6 hours in a plane.

It’s silly that I would have a crush on someone who is about 8 hours time difference from me but what can I say? Damn stupid lust.

Can’t you pick someone that is closer? You big knucklhead?

I’m outz,

CHris

Comments (11)

7/17/2004

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Emotional Void [
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General] — Akuma @
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8:03 pm

I feel that life doesn’t really have much to report. I been trying to get back to the working world again and I been hitting a lot of walls. Feeling unproductive these days….I hate this feeling.

I’m outz,

CHris

Comments (111)

7/14/2004

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Fundraising Tactics [
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General] — Akuma @
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6:02 pm

The event planning group and fundraising sat at Min Jung and Jane’s new apartment discussing how to raised 45K in 4 months. Our game plans. Do as many house parties as possible so Jane can meet as many people so they will know who she is. But the kicker is that one of the supervisor Matt Gonzalez came into the apartment and had strawberries with the rest of us and talking to us to how to raise money.

The politcal process rocks in San Francisco.

Oh by the way. Here is a pic of me and my sis at her graduation last month. : )

I’m outz,

CHris

Comments (107)

7/13/2004

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Warning [
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General] — Akuma @
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1:11 pm

To the ONLY person and with emphasis on the word “ONLY” commentor to my site who has given nothing but grief about my teeth and being such a grammar and word nazi. I am force yet again to dedicated an entry just for his pleasure. How am I so sure it is a he? Gut instincts, I tell you. Sorry my beloved friends and regular readers to my blog. But I have enough of this person who has nothing positive to say about me and cause me with such disdain to me that I have to leave him a note before I blocking his IP from visiting my site from hereafter

IP Address 63.82.1.162 who uses Netscape as a browser and a Mac as a computer. Your comments have been noted and erased from this site. If you vehemently dislike me so much then why must you continue visit my site? Better yet, why don’t leave your name or email address to get in contact with you to discuss why you dislike me so much? This is my blog and if you haven’t notice most of my entries are done at the dead of night with me being half asleep most of the time. I do make it point to correct it if I have time. But unforunately, there isn’t much of that and since I won’t be submitting this to any of my superiors for corrections afterwards, I don’t see the point to do it just to please you. If my readers can get the gist of my entries, then your half feeble mind can do better, don’t you think. I don’t question the intelligence of my readers excepts yours. You still continue to leave snide comments to my site and rather waste my energy to press the delete all the time, I would rather focus my energy in calling you out and give you a farewell before I install my IP Blocking to this site. Yes, it has come to that. But you are not welcome here anymore.

Thank you and have a very NICE day.

I’m outz,

CHris

Comments (98)

7/12/2004

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Reunion [
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Reflections/Life] — Akuma @
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6:46 pm

Almost a decade ago, I was a still a rather nerdy geek not full of confidence and optimitism that is here in this blog. People who not given me even a half ass on the street back in the days. I gotten to know a group that inspire my growing leadership and community service. This group is Adopt an Alleyway and this group inspire me to learn the history of San Francisco’s Chinatown, the people that live there and the things we can do to improve the community. With all the roles I took in the group, I rose in rank, from youth leader to the group 2nd president (and longest serving one with 3 years) and finally to the Board of Directors, the group expanded from 10 leaders from so many of them that we needed a bigger space to house the growing leader from various high schools in San Francisco and institute many of the ideas into reality, like Chinatown Alleyway Tours has gotten so popular that it has been on TV and been awarded one of best tour award in local publishings.

Today was a reunion of the alumnis got together to hang out and it was refreshing to see that we are a growing bunch with ambitious plans. A lot of them are attending college and the alumni group is getting stronger and more active. I am so glad that we kept the momentum going to build more youth leaders. But I was very glad that my vice president was able to come. I have not seen in about 3 years and now is a bank officer. We spent a lot of time talking about the past and committed ourselves in working more to continue on what we left behind. We are both chaperoning the retreat that is coming up at the end of the month to Hearst Castle to we can help younger generation realize that we are still around and be around to help them.

I’m outz,

CHris

Comments (8)

7/9/2004

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People That Has Visited My Blog [
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General] — Akuma @
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11:43 am

create your own visited country map
89 countries = 39%

I thought it will be fun to see how many peoplefrom which countries have visited my site via the stats on my stat checker. I was shock how many people have. This is my map. So very cool.

I’m outz,

CHris

Comments (6)

7/8/2004

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Fin [
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Gay Life] — Akuma @
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2:36 pm

Well M and I are finish. Though we were cordial with each other, there was a slight taste of distain that this is happening. I think it was for the better. No need to be with a guy who isn’t self confident in having a guy who think that will eventually cheat on him. Trust is a big issue to me and if he doesn’t have that with me, I rather just move on and pick up the pieces. It didn’t last too long so my heart will heal quickly. I always have been strong and rilisent and am glad that I am in cases with these. Hard to let your gaurd down only to get burn in the end. Things like this make me wonder if am I too trustworthy in nature but hey I learn how to read people a whole lot better than before. But I am going to hold my ground on this. : D

I’m outz,

CHris

Comments (9)

7/7/2004

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Email to M [
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Gay Life] — Akuma @
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5:23 pm

These is an email I wrote to M after he doubted me after all the stuff I went through to try to patch things up. I don’t care I putting this up on the web but since it my thoughts I rather keep a record for myself on my thoughts. Some info has been change. Basically I wanted to get the main point of the email across.

“I read your response to my most recent email. Never have I have someone who ever doubted me as much as you have. Every single one of my friends know two of my best traits: My honesty and loyalty to my friends and love ones and I can’t believe you question my two traits that I hold dear in my life. I have never ever had cheated on ex and instead have 2 cheated on me. I value a relationship because of what my parents have for over 25 years. I want what they have. The other break up have been very amicable. Don’t you think I know how you feel? I been in your shoes before.

Why do you also think I have friendships that I have for almost 2 decades with 3 of my closest friends and over a decade freindship with some of buddies as well? Because we are loyal and cherish each other. When I came out I did not lose ONE SINGLE FRIEND. Even my conservative friends saw me for who I am and rather see past me being gay and the person instead. If you see me with my friends then you would have a better understanding of the person I am. I got no time for games and I have goals in my life and a wonderful family who loves me dearly and I love them as well.

Instead of talking to me about it, you email me with accusation on that and not even check with me and I been through a lot just to put your feelings first. Thank god I have friends who on my side and even said you done have to go through bullshit that you put me through and I deserve someone who trusts me . I trusted you implicitly because I care about you. I told them I rather give you the benefit of the doubt and knowing this now. I came to one conclusion: If you don’t trust me now, you won’t trust me even if we are in a relationship. I don’t even think you will believe me with all the words I tell you now in this email to you. I rather not get my heart broken right now and rather pick up the pieces and move on before you accuse me any further. I got to stay focus on my job hunt and my friend’s politcal campaign for office and keep focus and not have this feeling of hurt impede in my friend’s campaign or finding a new job.

That all I got to say right now.

Chris”

I am beyond frustrated and I deserve better than this, I hate this roller coaster ride on my heart.

I’m outz,

CHris

Comments (99)

7/6/2004

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BBQ Overload. [
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General] — Akuma @
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9:47 am

My best buddies’ dual birthday BBQ yesterday consist of the following and noting everything was homemade except for the obivious:

Homemade chunky guacamole and chips
Lime Cilantro Tiger Shrimp Skewers with pepperss, onion and mushrooms
Satay Pork and Grill Pineapple Skewers with peanut sauce
Dry Rubbed Buffalo Wings
Rosemary infused Lamb Chops
Fraubron Chocolate (Assorted Flavors)
Chardonnay Riesling Wine

Anybody want to top that Fourth of July BBQ? ; )

I’m outz,

CHris

Comments (100)

7/4/2004

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AWOL Friends. [
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Family and Friends] — Akuma @
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1:28 pm

Okay I love it when you hang out with your friends and they pull an AWOL on you and their boyfriend calls our network of friends and try to figure out where in the hell he went AWOL the night before.

One of our buddies and another 4 of us went to Castro to barhop and we all kind of split up into seperate groups because half of us wanted to go dance (3 of us) and the other half just wanted to chill (the other 2) , well we went to the bar up the street where I ran into some freinds of mines, one of them was plain ol drunk and being the guy that I am, I look out for him till we found her and haul his ass over to the car. That incident reminded me my reason to stay sobered at times and rather take care of my friends than them taking care of me. Well back to my friend. Two of us left early and the 3 stay behind. Spin ahead to today and a very concerned boyfriend call me and the group to back track his AWOL boyfriend, of course we were all worried about couldn’t figure where he was. So all of us was playing phone tag all day and getting frustrated. Then the AWOL friend left a message to one of us and he tells us he will see us tonight and that was it.

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Off Tangent: *Points Left to Pic of Me and Snoopy* RBJ was showing a lot of picture of people with their stuff animal and I decided to share the one my Limited Edition Macy New Milleninum Court Jester Snoopy that my best freinds and I all got together as a group. So there are 5 twins with my buddies and I. I also realized that picture make me look like I am 16. A pedophile dream eh?

I’m outz,

CHris

Comments (14)

7/1/2004

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Buddy Talks [
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Family and Friends] — Akuma @
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7:01 pm

Today Dorothy dragged my sorry ass to dinner tonight at the Cheesecake Factory and about 5 additonal pounds later, we left the restaurant later all happy. But during the course of dinner we got talking about our future and reflections on life. Dorothy feels that she is getting sicker ever year and kept on talking about death. Arrgghhh, I lost one best freind already, I will not lose another one this early. I told her to be postive and see a specialist about things. I just want her to get better and healthy again. But we both started talking about goals and where we are right now. None of us are in our ideal jobs and at our most ideal lifestyle. But granted we are still young and have so much more to achieved. Be postive in thinking I say. =)

Speaking on being postive. I got a call to go in on Tuesday for another job interview. Can’t complained and looking forward to it.

I’m outz,

CHris

Comments (9)